Wednesday, 17 May 2006

Why you should pay attention when they tell you to change the locks.

I'm going to try and be brief, typing with a sling isn't as easy as it looks.

A month ago I was ignorantly as happy as I thought I was ever going to be. Amazing how time flies and crawls all at once. And early this week I wrote that things were calming down. Boy how wrong that turned out to be.

Because last night Trey went to jail.

He came barging into the house and tossed me into a wall. Then he picked me up from the floor by the throat and smashed my head into the door, possibly more than once, I wouldn't know, the stars prevented me from counting and then the blackness took away the fear. His stupid handprint is still on my neck. And his stupid ass is in jail, because Jacob was out by the garage talking to the neighbors and heard Trey raging at me. The kids woke up. I didn't even think he was drunk but apparently he was. He didn't go after Jake, he came after me. He said he was going to kill me.

And I had defended him when Jacob asked me very very seriously if Trey had ever laid a hand on me. All he ever did aside from the frisbee plates was twist my wrist a few times to keep me in the room when I wanted to leave. I thought that was bad.

He left me with a fractured collarbone, a concussion, he dislocated my elbow and bruised my ribs and my back. I am very very frightened. I spent the whole remainder of last night and most of this morning possibly having every part of my body x-rayed and some of it cat-scanned. Tons of needles. Painkillers are so wonderful. Right now I feel nothing, and yet my body is wrecked. We are at Jake's house now. I'm learning all sorts of new phrases, like temporary prevention orders and release conditions. Sign-out against medical advice? A new favorite. And somehow I'm thrilled that I'm still alive. Amazed. I can't sleep. Ha. They told Jake to watch for personality changes. I heard the words brain injury. And battered wife. This is not who I am.

Jake showed herculean restraint by not killing Trey. I know he came so close. I was told it took three officers to get him off Trey and even then they had to threaten to arrest him too to get him to cool off. He wasn't even supposed to be there. Trey knew that. He planned it.

Charges are being laid. Apparently I don't even have to decide, the police do it. The flashing lights outside and all the people and everything scared the kids. We're seeing a domestic violence counsellor. Thankfully they had stayed in their rooms with the doors shut because they were scared by Trey's yelling and they didn't see him hurt me. Small thankful moments. Because I can't protect them from their own father and that's the scariest part. I didn't think he would hurt me ever and so I can't believe he wouldn't try to hurt them too.

After twenty years together you really think you know someone. Which is why I'm sharing this, because well, this isn't something I wanted to share but women should be aware of exactly how bad things can get, even with someone you know so well. I thought I knew Trey, but I didn't know the monster who came into the house last night. I also thought I was so tough-I was prepared to harm anyone who ever might come in and try to harm us. I never had a chance.

My mom is coming out tomorrow morning and blissfully I am going to sleep now and then take more of these drugs. Because they keep the shock of what happened from bugging me at all. Or maybe that's a defence mechanism. Either one is fine, I like it this way.