Thursday, 18 May 2006

Blog, meet Ben.

No more drugs. It's better to feel the pain and stop pushing myself than to feel okay and overdo it and wind up with tears streaming down my face over something stupid like trying to hang up a shirt that fell off the hanger. Try that with one hand. Yeah. No personality changes, just massive amounts of frustration. Between that and the overwhelming urges to hang off the gingerbread at the peak of the roof in my dreams I chose to put away the painkillers for now.

Ben is here today hanging out (playing bodyguard) while Jake works. He's got a 4 day weekend from his cubicle at the insurance company and so he's freaking me out by telling my kids about all the hot girls he met last weekend. He's so inappropriate I can't stop laughing and it hurts so much but it's too funny to stop. I can't even stand it. My son, who is four, just told Tucker, I mean Ben, that he knows what boobies are. Mommy even has two. So there! Ben points out that Mommy has nice boobies.

Oh geez. Stop making me laugh. It hurts like hell.

My mom left this morning. She's the primary caregiver for my grandmother so she didn't want to be gone long and I have a ton of support here just from Jake, from friends, from the women's group at church who filled my deep freeze yesterday with enough food to feed Bridget's army. I think she just wanted to hug me and see for herself what condition I was in. My house has revolving doors.

And new locks. Jacob changed all the locks himself but it's not good enough. Apparently Trey is absolutely grief-stricken that he laid a hand on me. He was drunk and crazed and I'm still afraid of him and he wants to talk to me so he can apologize and make sure I'm okay. He's not allowed anywhere near me. The worst part of this is the knowledge that when he came into the house I was washing dishes, which puts me in a position where I hear nothing-running water takes away all other sounds. He knows this. I always used to wait and do it at 9 pm, once the kids are asleep because otherwise I can't hear them call. He knows this better than anyone. And he arrived at 9 pm, and I was supposed to be alone but Jacob had come by to collect his books and I had asked him to stay. And I didn't know Trey was in the house until he grabbed me.

So I have babysitters like Ben. Ben who regularly propositions me and calls me princess milf. Which Jacob tolerates only because he doesn't want to seem square. It was Ben who had the task to pick up Trey from downtown and take him back to the house where he's staying. Ben made sure there was no alcohol in that house and then ripped a strip off Trey and told him if he ever touched anyone in anger ever again BEN would kill him and that he is very lucky that Ben wasn't there too that night and that everyone will be supporting me for the next several weeks and Trey had better get his shit together. I think I stopped listening to him there. I think I pissed him off. I'm pissed off, Ben.

And now he just asked if I wanted cake because he isn't planning to save any for preacher boy. I love my friends. Really I do. Even the weird ones.