Tuesday, 30 May 2006


Yesterday we were gifted with a great set of pictures from the Mother's Day brunch. Jake was collecting pictures from the day for the June newsletter and there are 3-4 really good photographers who lent their talents and gear to the event. One of them wound up taking a lot of pictures of the four of us and he gave us all the prints.

They're candid shots in black and white, I didn't expect them to turn out well and I'm about as photogenic as a brick but wow. There's one where Jake was kissing the top of my head, just as I smelled the flowers that Henry had passed to me. I keep looking at it. And there's another one with the four of us that is so cute-we're all smiling, and Ruth and Henry are each holding Jake's pant legs and leaning out like he's a jungle gym. His arm was around my waist and I was back to the camera, looking up at him. He took that one to his office. The rest were all funny facial expressions and Jacob speaking and giving toasts and then group shots of all the moms. I love pictures.

I also got back my necklace yesterday and I don't know what I'm going to do with it. It's my diamond heart that Cole gave me that I wore every day right up until 2 weeks ago. It got ripped off in the fight and PJ took it to be fixed since he works at the mall. I went to pick it up and while I was paying for the repairs I realized I wasn't going to put it back on. I think I'll just save it for Ruth for when she's older.

My wedding ring still sits on the kitchen windowsill where I put it the day I left for good at the beginning of May. I don't want to touch it but I have to put it away now.

And it looks like we'll both be officially divorced before August-Jacob sooner than I. That's the silver lining from Cole's attack because I don't have to wait a year to file. Jacob had already filed in April after a long separation-he did it before he asked me to be with him. Mentally we were both calculating the days after that that we can legally get married and then we let that go, because it fell to labour day weekend and that was my old wedding anniversary. Maybe some random day in November. Not like it will be a big wedding, probably more like an absolutely private simple 10 minute ceremony in Jacob's church officiated by Reverend Carolyn, who fills in a lot when Jake is off.

Dare I dream of actually being his wife? For real?

I have been everything but that to him. That would be the icing on a cake that took so long to bake we practically chewed through our arms with hunger waiting for it. Now there is the scariest analogy ever. I need more coffee. Jake's. Wife. Oh. wow.

I would love that. I will love it. We've talked about nothing but our future together.

I'm not even going to get into the house stuff. We can't live here. Jacob's house is back up for sale because it's too small anyway. I think we'll stay here for a few months and try to look for a new house in this area. One with just good memories for us. Which is something new to look forward to.