Still going. I'm the energizer bunny. Thankfully I'm just not angry like I was this morning. Instead I am tired. Just very tired. Worn out. Possibly coming down with the flu.
The memorial is over. Thank God. They did a great job, Cole's..OUR friends all put aside their judgements that they had leveled against each other and against me and created an unforgettable tribute to him. A fitting one. Lots of funny stories. Tons of pictures passed around. A nod to his talent, constant reassurance that he would live on forever through his much-admired work and through our children. The magnificent effort of so many to tell those stories without touching too heavily on me, as I have been there beside him since he was nineteen years old. Some of his genius borne out of various overwhelming moments of joy or pain with me. The temperamental artist and his faithful muse.
I pegged this as the hardest day but it isn't and for that I'm grateful. I'm grateful also for the random hugs from friends, the offers of help, hell the offers of continued friendship from a group of guys who have put up with me and my wildness for so long they are family. And I'm grateful for the comments, emails and the real live snail mail cards from reader friends who have no idea how much they really mean to me. Thank you.
I want to write that I'm not going to talk about Cole here anymore but on second thought I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. Some days I don't know where my entry is going until it's there.
