An easy-to-manage ton. The sun came up. I went to the door of the den, opened it and couldn't seem to go anywhere. So I called for help.
Jake.
Jacob met me with a cup of coffee and a fierce hug. I pressed my left ear to his left ear and I could feel his heart beating. He ran his hands through my hair and told me everything would be okay.
It was permission to fall apart. His, mine, ours.
I lost whatever frayed string of sanity I was swinging from all week long.
Oh lovely. Brutal. Ugly. I swayed and was held up. Jacob didn't let go, he held me tighter and I dissolved into nothing. He got both of us rather gracefully down to the floor and sat and held me so tightly and I held on right back. We missed calls, doorbells, appointments and just held each other. My legs were asleep and I didn't care. We both cried. It's done. Over. No more court dates, no waiting to be divorced. No worries about what Cole will do down the road. Done. He took it all with him.
I'll take it as a gift, among other things that have happened since he died. Many surprises.
Jake?
Yeah, Bridge?
I really expected to throw things.
Yeah, I expected you to throw things too. maybe break stuff.
I'm glad I didn't.
The day is young, Bridge, the day is young. And I love you.
I love you too.
