Hey.
Hi beautiful, he smiles so wide it puts the sun to shame. Lochlan is the sun right now. It's August. We've had no rain. No clouds. No indoor days. His hair has brightened to such an incredible pale strawberry gold I want to spin it into fine thread to sell, keeping him locked in a high tower so I can have it all. He is so striking when he lets it grow long and lets the curls go wild and it bleaches so quickly now, never quite darkening back to the brilliant dark red of deep winter's end any more. He has a little bit of permanent gold around his ears, in his eyebrows and beard. His eyes are beginning to fade ever so slightly. Not at the same rate as mine but I'm seeing him change and I think I love it, though when I look at him the very first thing I see is that obstinate thirteen-year-old Outsider with the rolled-up jeans, and t-shirt sleeves cut off, expression of total annoyance that slid so easily, charmingly into endless patience I was hooked from the first moment.
This CD is amazing. (The Code of the Flowers. Ayla Nereo. I just can't turn it off, I'm afraid)
Right?
You've got the words yet?
Mostly, yes.
Wow. He nods in amazement. I can hardly hear him for staring at all of that gold. What did you need? Or are you just here to say hi? Stay a while?
I came out to apologize.
For? There goes the smile, behind the clouds.
Now I understand what you went through with your arm. And also may we please cut this thing off? I hold up my pink mitt. I am so done with this cast. I discovered this morning that my plans to kayak are off, as I can't do it one handed. Ben offered to take me around but that's not the same. What saw can I fetch? The grinder, maybe?
I think you're stuck with it.
Oh, I'm stuck with it and so I need it off.
Peanut-
What's the worst that can happen?
You fuck up your hand forever. Leave it alone. Four more weeks. We can kayak all fall and winter. Once your hand is cleared for use.
This is maddening.
Listen to music?
That's all I do! And follow Ben around the grocery store directing. (No. Put that back. We'll need four of these. You don't want to eat that. No. No you actually don't. Jesus, Ben!) Oh and watching tv. And trying to do stuff with my left hand.
Sounds good to me.
No, it's too hard.
Remember what you told me? To let my body rest and heal? It was good advice.
You cut your cast off.
Well, I would have done it sooner but for your advice.
Hmm.
What?
Good for the goose, then it's good for the gander.
Who is who?
The male is the gander.
Then your saying is off.
It doesn't matter!
He laughs again. What can I do?
I told you. Get the grinder.
He frowns again. Guess who's not allowed in the garage for the rest of the summer.
Ben?
Jesus, Bridge. This is a first world pro-
Oh, don't even go there.
You know what you need?
A monte cristo?!
What else?
Vodka lemonade and french fries.
I can do all of this. Give me twenty minutes to clean up.
Okay. I'll be in the garage when you're ready.
No you won't. He laughs again. This is going to be a full time job, isn't it?
Wait. If I hook up the sail to my kayak I can just zoom around with the wind-
No, Bridget. It would be irresponsible to go out if you can't paddle.
If others go they can help if I get off course.
Not going to happen.
Day-drunk it is, then.
That we can do. He winks and eight-year-old me can't focus on a single thing else, ever.