Wednesday, 25 September 2019

Guess I should have written out the whole thing, moment by moment and then wow, the whole world would have been so much happier.

Grateful for an early foggy walk on the beach this morning because the Devil decided to pick a fight and I never saw it coming.

Is he..kind to you? Caleb turns and stares at me, his eyes haunted. I would say maybe he's just mirroring my usual expression but this is honestly so much worse.

Of course he is. Jesus, think I'd be-

No, Bridget. That's not what I mean. Is he..is he violent?

Like you, you mean? He's slightly less rough than Sam but he's bigger so it's inevitable-

Oh my God-

I don't know what you're asking. 

Everything. I'm asking everything. I want to know what he gives you. How you feel. 

You've been there before. With him-

It's not the same! 

It is, actually. He doesn't put on a show like you do when someone else is around. 

What do you mean? 

You're not violent if there's someone else in the room. 

Bridget- His voice is strangled, muffled. I just want to make sure you're safe. 

Then bring back my ghost. 

Which-

YOU KNOW WHICH ONE. HOLY FUCK STOP PLAYING WITH MY FUCKING LIFE HERE. IT ISN'T YOURS TO HAVE.

I knew an entire household or three were on exodus as I screamed at Caleb. I guess I just don't care anymore. Appearances make no difference if he's never going to change. I changed for him and he won't return the favor and it's killing me.