It's the simplest thing. A list. Make a list of everything you love, Peanut. It's a suggestion he's been taught to make, and he knows exactly when it's going to work and when the time isn't right.
I smile weakly. I love these. They remind me I am just as important as everyone else, even as I founder in the surf, treading water while everyone else swims easy laps, closing the gap between their physical form and their legacy, and I'm busy looking for an unreachable star to hitch my wagon to, to quietly ride out my life in the quiet of the dark.
You. I love you.
He smiles back. I trace his mouth in the dark. Halfway through he parts his lips, taking a breath in. It's profound and he's rocked by how incredibly deep we run. Uncharted ocean floor. Sky isn't even the limit. How we found our way back to each other I'll never know, when it seemed like fate was determined to cleave our futures in half cleanly.
I get caught up on loving this one thing, looking at his face in the dark, needing nothing else right at this moment. This moment that reminds me of when we were so much younger and we didn't know life was coming at us like a freight train and we wouldn't have time to get out of its way.
I love This Beautiful Life and Falling Slowly. I love House of Leaves. I love the color green and I love Vietnamese food. I love my children and my boys and my garden and my pencils and I love these mornings when we don't have to rush. Lilacs. Eating vegetables straight from the garden without washing them first. I love paddling on the ocean and the dog and music-
You love coffee too?
Yes. Of course.
I supposed you'd like to have one.
I would, but only if you'll have one with me.
I'll be right back.