I'm not avoiding Caleb per se, I'm just putting in a little distance in order to foster a little understanding, as sometimes old history shades new lines and we need to not do that at every waking moment.
Bridget. My name as I come out the door and make a hard right to head downstairs. I turn and he's there, looking half like a hungry devil, one-quarter deer in the headlights and one-quarter the only teenage boy with a driver's license at the lake.
Are you feeling better? I want you to know I'm sorry for the mix-up. I had these left over from when I wasn't sleeping and when you said that you were tired I thought these would help-
I'm a little better. This fucking...trembling is taking a while.
I didn't mean to hurt you. He looks into my eyes, ducking his head sideways so that we are almost on common ground.
I know.
They don't.
They'll understand when the moment wears off. I reassure him.
I don't want you to leave me. It's so quiet I think I misheard.
What?
I know what the experts say. I know it's supposed to be damaging to be in a relationship with me but we've come so far and I feel like you've accepted me and that maybe I have helped you to overcome some of the fear.
(Some of the fear. Okay, true. Some.)
But I also know it's a big hill to climb and I'm going to be here helping. I'm not going to make things hard. I really thought I was helping you.
Okay. I'm tired. Tired of listening. Tired of standing here. Tired of fighting back. Tired of dealing with him and I want a break from his endless pressure, his neverending demands for confirmation of importance. He is me only I'm sweet about it but I need the reassurance just the same so again, he's completely off the hook and I continue to love my monster just Not Right Now and he's noticed this. He knows he's in the doghouse, he fucking KNOWS IT.)
Okay?
Yeah. I have to go pick up Henry.
I can do it.
It's fine. I don't want to be late though.
Hey.
Yes?
I love you, Bridget and you know I will do anything to make this up to you and we'll do it together.
Okay, I say it again like a robot. So pleased with himself he hardly notices the black tarnish he has levelled on my crown.