Wednesday, 26 September 2007

    We made these promises
    You made these promises

Enough with the fakeness. The false cheer, the air of 'things are getting better'.

You've missed the point. Hell, I missed the point. Jake got the point before anyone else and he has this way of...I don't know, of making the most of a temporary anything. He lives life. He wants for so much and so much is fleeting.

Things are getting better in the sense that the plan is working. The therapy works. It helps. The pills help except for a few aspects. Things are getting worse in other respects as we settle into this life with all it's thorns. Caleb is engaging in a quiet harassment. I worry for Ben. Jacob fends off as many ghosts and people as he can. The shit hit the fan the other day when his annual conference invite came in the mail and he considered it thoughtfully. And then I realized what I have done to him. I never should have met the guy. He wouldn't have this complicated life walking on eggshells and being able to do damage control in his sleep.

Who does that?

Jake does. My poor overtaxed, overtired, overextended angel boy who should have a better life than this, for all his efforts. And watching him valiantly deny and justify all of this hurts. It hurts me, and I take full responsibility for ruining what could have been the most beautiful years of his life. He shouldn't be living on pins and needles, hanging out at the edge of Bridget's dark and crazy world.

No, he should be..well, he should