Last winter we watched hundreds of movies here at home. I love the movie channels. I hardly ever buy or rent movies but I religiously check the networks and specialty stations for new releases. Especially since it costs a good $50 for a family of four to go to the movies these days and it will be eons before the kids are old enough for my taste in psychotic horror movies.
We'll just ignore that fact that I was watching the Exorcist and Halloween when I was Ruth's age. Ruth was weirded out by Pirates of the Caribbean so let's just say she's not ready for Hostel.
So one night after the kids were long asleep Jacob and I turned out all the lights and watched Silent Hill.
Which, on it's own? Not so scary.
Oh, those frightening, twitchy nurses. (Which you can enjoy now, thanks to Youtube.)
Jacob laughed out loud when he saw them. The noises. The tight uniforms. He said I should have been in that scene, I would have killed it (oh god, yes he makes horrible puns) and that it had to be the most ludicrous thing in a horror movie ever.
But of course, like the Jackal in Thirteen Ghosts, those nurses have stayed with me a long time. And Jacob is a joker and loves to capitalize on my nonsense and for the past five months when we go to bed at night he'll wait until I'm halfway up the stairs and then he'll shut off all the lights, plunging me into darkness and then he runs up the stairs behind me and grabs me.
And then I scream, we wake the kids and I pretend I'm mad. A few times I might have peed myself and I swear I did indeed kick him once because the minute the lights go out...he's a nurse. A huge, twitchy bearded nurse.
So anyway, payback took place this morning. I told him I was going to try to get in a quick run. I know for a fact that when I go out for a run he heads straight for the pantry and gets oatmeal chocolate chip cookies by the handful (HUGE handfuls) and eats them. For an hour. He denies, the kids don't like the organic free-range cookies he does so funny how I go through 2 boxes a week if no one eats them, right?
Instead of going out I opened and closed the back door and then tiptoed in and shut myself in the pantry cupboard. Because I fit. And it's low and deep so Jacob just reaches in, grabs the box without looking and takes his snack to the den. and then pretends he doesn't eat much for breakfast later on.
I heard him whistling down the stairs, and then heard him agreeing with PJ, who was on the phone with him, and he started to say something about the weekend yard work as he opened the cupboard. He reached in and I grabbed his arm with both hands and growled at him.
Most priceless moment ever. He screamed at an octave I didn't think he had. A very high one.
It was magical.
He forgets how small I am, and how well I fit into strange little places.
And that will be the downfall of the friendly giant, because I was tired of dreaming about scary nurses with beards.