Today is going to be a productive but restful day.
Today I will start to learn to trust my process.
Today will be good.
It's not much but it's a start. We also did deep breathing out in the gazebo, in the rain to clear out the negative creeping overnight thoughts and blossom positively into the new day. They're throwing everything at this now, and I humour them while I learn.
Because I am a skeptic.
Because I am difficult.
Because I am afraid.
I started off right. Coffee. Helping with laundry. Seeing Ruth off to work and Henry out of bed (since his school has going all online he likes to sleep as long as he can and work until dinner. Man, if I were him I'd be up a six and done by noon or one.). Talking to Caleb about some financial things (he is very proud) and ordering a book off Amazon (which I will share if it's good), preordering Jon Foreman's album Departures (so good already) and planning a day of sewing as our mask supply sucks and painting, because I should do more art and less mindless reading and fretting. I want to be a creator, not a consumer. I want to treasure and curate, not collect.
I want to streamline life and work in things like this, though I daresay being told to breathe while I listen to bells and the rain all around me is a fun way to spend thirty minutes and it probably helped my headache (now on day four #&$#%*@) since I hold my breath when I'm in pain (so always) and I'm trying to learn to be a tea drinker but it's not happening and I always go back to coffee just like I'd probably be a wine drinker but I always go back to bourbon. I want things that make me think and be surrounded by people who are good for me without being focused on me instead of themselves.
Okay. So far so good. What's next for today?
***
Lochlan asks me if I'm ready to get back into hockey.
Uh. Maybe. It's weird though and I hate the empty arenas. (Who am I kidding? YES.)
That is weird. Usually you hate the noise.
Hockey without noise is just sad.
Right?
HOWEVER.
Oh no, what are you plotting, Peanut?
If I grab a million from Caleb I can get Chara for next year. Let's start our own team. Seriously. The Horseshoe Bay wavebreakers or something. I'll need time to think of a proper name.
It's expensive to mount a franchise.
Yes but Caleb has money so I'll just get more of that.
What position will you play?
Pfft. I'll be the coach, of course.