Early this morning and I am lying in the Devil's arms, who is up on one elbow with me tucked in against him and he won't stop staring at me and I keep closing my eyes and just drifting away, completely oblivious to everything, the drugs running liquid quicksand through my veins. He loves this. They love fucked-up Bridget. I just love carefree no-worry Bridget. She is so laid back. I'd like to be like her someday. I just have to navigate the side effects which are the ever-present brain fog, no emotions at all (even happiness or contentedness), an exceedingly dry mouth and super harsh dizziness/motion sickness. The moment I feel like I have to throw up I am done with everything and so later, if he lets me go, I will make a plea for the half-dose or whatever's next. This isn't sustainable and that's part of the problem.
But for right now, if I close my eyes and stay very still I don't feel like I'm moving. I just feel warm and safe and adored.
He bends his head down and kisses my forehead. Want to go back to sleep?
No. I need to get going.
There's nothing you have to do today.
I laugh. You don't know my schedule.
Sure I do. At six this morning, you're going to make love to me. At seven, I will make love to you. At eight we can make love to each other, and at nine we will call for some coffee and croissants to be delivered up. Room service.
Who will bring that?
PJ, if I give him bribes.
Good luck with that.
I'll go make coffee and bring it up, then.
No, I have to go. It's Monday.
It's a braincation. Stay.
I'm calling Joel again. I want my files before he skips town without a word.
We have them.
Okay, rewind that. You what?
We already have all of his notes.
What are you talking about?
August went and got them and spoke with Joel. August will be spending the next several years upgrading his credentials and going back to school. We have an agreement.
You're creating a live-in psychologist.
Psychoanalyst. He already has his masters. This will just be a top-up of his education and then he has free reign to be your official replacement for Joel.
Out of the frying pan, don't you think?
No, I think August has proven himself over the years. He is not in love with you.
Who told you that?
He did.
He always was a good liar.
I believe him.
You shouldn't.
Why not?
Maybe I'm in love with him.
Well of course, or he wouldn't be here. And yes he's in love with you, but it's not in a dangerous way.
My head explodes at Caleb's admission, and this plan. If I could feel happy on these medications, boy would I right now. Does Lochlan know about this plan?
It was his idea. He came to me with it to see if I thought it had legs.
Does August want to do this?
Get dressed and go see him, he can answer the rest of your questions. Caleb smiles and leans forward, kisses my bottom lip instead of my forehead, and gets up, heading into the bathroom for a shower, closing the door. Caleb has never once in his life suggest I go to August, let alone considered him an ally.
But here's the army. Working together. Mounting a strong offensive against the ghosts. I dress quickly and head back up to my room to see Lochlan first. Then I'll go see August.
What the fuck. Christmas day came so late this year. But it still got here in time.