Just hear me out
If it's not perfect, I'll perfect it till my heart explodes
I highly doubt
That I can make it through another one of your episodes
Lashing out
One of the petty moves you pull before you lose control
You wear me out
But it's all right now
Well. That didn't work.
Prone on the hardwood floor. Face up, however. Looking upside above me where Caleb frowns.
Why did you do that, Doll?
At this point I'm fairly certain he's about to take something heavy and bring it crashing down on my little skull, putting the lights out, ending everything all at once. It'll just be a flash of black and I'll be their memory and they will scatter to the four winds and never speak to each other again.
I'm torn between wanting that outcome and wanting to see how it all turns out anyway, even if it hurts.
And that's the problem. These kinds of fights are the worst.
I took myself over to August's last evening. It was that or I would have gone straight to New Jake, or worse, old Jake. I professed a deep-seated attraction to him as a whole, not just as a ghost, and for my honesty I was beautifully rewarded. Halfway back across the driveway I was intercepted by the Devil, who proceeded to make an unholy noise that I was later told was shouting so angrily even the cats ran and hid from the sound.
At least it wasn't Lochlan. Lochlan doesn't even know what do with me at this point. Lochlan's hands are tied and his heart is falling behind, running to catch up and then giving up, tucking itself in right where I left it, for me to find later when I'm done pissing off the Gods.
I sit up quickly just to see the stars. No one else can see them. I love that feeling. My eyes focus, one at a time on the Devil's handsome blue eyes, not so kind right now.
What have you done?
You did all this. Are you happy? I told you this wouldn't turn out well and you thought it meant they would come after you. Wow. Bet you wish now that that's what happened instead of this. You broke her! Congrats!
Are you drunk?
Not nearly enough.
Jesus.While he laments my lack of compliance I go off down the dark hallway in search of my boy, one middle finger raised defiantly behind my back at the Devil, who doesn't even have a stake in this night the way the rest of us do and doesn't he hate this. If I get this wrong August leaves and I don't think I can take that. If I get it right we both get everything we need. We promised Jake we'd look after each other. We don't intend to fail.
Or me, I mean. Because I don't want him to go and he's got one foot out the door.
BRIDGET. Caleb roars again, into the dark. He can't see me anymore and that's good.
I find what I'm looking for and pull it out, wrapping my arms around it. Lochlan's heart is heavy and weak. It's squishy and solid though. It's a perfect fit and a rare prize. I haul it back down the hallway and drop it at the feet of the Devil.
What? I smile at him, mirroring his rage in the best way I know how. Belligerently and with confidence. It may be an act but I'm good at that too. This is different from not being able to keep a poker face. This is pure showmanship and I've got it nailed.
Put that away.
You don't get to order me around anymore. You created all of this and now you have to live with it.
We created this. Don't forget who started it all. There's no difference between he and I.
Sure there is.
Tell me what that is.
(Tell you what again? You all passed around a TEN YEAR OLD and I have to explain why it didn't all end in roses and lemonade?)
Love. Lochlan held my hand. He held me. He talked to me. He took me out for food, and planted flowers and taught me things about the night sky. He taught me how to fall in love. You never took five minutes to do any of that before touching me. All of you.
All of us-
All you did was further perpetuate it by putting us all together again. Bet it feels weird now, hey? You wonder why I seek out anyone but the lot of you when I can't help myself? Because they don't use me for their own needs.
You think August isn't using you?
August loves me. Sam too. Duncan and Dalton definitely do. Jake may, if given the chance and really if I get enough of them I won't need any of you, now, will I? Lochlan will still be there but the rest of you will wonder what the fuck happened when you're suddenly somewhere else.
Prone on the hardwood floor. Face up, however. Looking upside above me where Caleb frowns.
Why did you do that, Doll?
At this point I'm fairly certain he's about to take something heavy and bring it crashing down on my little skull, putting the lights out, ending everything all at once. It'll just be a flash of black and I'll be their memory and they will scatter to the four winds and never speak to each other again.
I'm torn between wanting that outcome and wanting to see how it all turns out anyway, even if it hurts.
And that's the problem. These kinds of fights are the worst.
I took myself over to August's last evening. It was that or I would have gone straight to New Jake, or worse, old Jake. I professed a deep-seated attraction to him as a whole, not just as a ghost, and for my honesty I was beautifully rewarded. Halfway back across the driveway I was intercepted by the Devil, who proceeded to make an unholy noise that I was later told was shouting so angrily even the cats ran and hid from the sound.
At least it wasn't Lochlan. Lochlan doesn't even know what do with me at this point. Lochlan's hands are tied and his heart is falling behind, running to catch up and then giving up, tucking itself in right where I left it, for me to find later when I'm done pissing off the Gods.
I sit up quickly just to see the stars. No one else can see them. I love that feeling. My eyes focus, one at a time on the Devil's handsome blue eyes, not so kind right now.
What have you done?
You did all this. Are you happy? I told you this wouldn't turn out well and you thought it meant they would come after you. Wow. Bet you wish now that that's what happened instead of this. You broke her! Congrats!
Are you drunk?
Not nearly enough.
Jesus.While he laments my lack of compliance I go off down the dark hallway in search of my boy, one middle finger raised defiantly behind my back at the Devil, who doesn't even have a stake in this night the way the rest of us do and doesn't he hate this. If I get this wrong August leaves and I don't think I can take that. If I get it right we both get everything we need. We promised Jake we'd look after each other. We don't intend to fail.
Or me, I mean. Because I don't want him to go and he's got one foot out the door.
BRIDGET. Caleb roars again, into the dark. He can't see me anymore and that's good.
I find what I'm looking for and pull it out, wrapping my arms around it. Lochlan's heart is heavy and weak. It's squishy and solid though. It's a perfect fit and a rare prize. I haul it back down the hallway and drop it at the feet of the Devil.
What? I smile at him, mirroring his rage in the best way I know how. Belligerently and with confidence. It may be an act but I'm good at that too. This is different from not being able to keep a poker face. This is pure showmanship and I've got it nailed.
Put that away.
You don't get to order me around anymore. You created all of this and now you have to live with it.
We created this. Don't forget who started it all. There's no difference between he and I.
Sure there is.
Tell me what that is.
(Tell you what again? You all passed around a TEN YEAR OLD and I have to explain why it didn't all end in roses and lemonade?)
Love. Lochlan held my hand. He held me. He talked to me. He took me out for food, and planted flowers and taught me things about the night sky. He taught me how to fall in love. You never took five minutes to do any of that before touching me. All of you.
All of us-
All you did was further perpetuate it by putting us all together again. Bet it feels weird now, hey? You wonder why I seek out anyone but the lot of you when I can't help myself? Because they don't use me for their own needs.
You think August isn't using you?
August loves me. Sam too. Duncan and Dalton definitely do. Jake may, if given the chance and really if I get enough of them I won't need any of you, now, will I? Lochlan will still be there but the rest of you will wonder what the fuck happened when you're suddenly somewhere else.