Long before sunrise Sam is up and trying to tie his tie neatly before church. He's hosting a sunrise service. Last minute as his backup is ill. Sam was on vacation but he's agreed to help since he isn't away, in hopes that the same kindness would be extended should he need a day off down the road.
Here. I climb out of bed naked and stand in front of him, easily tying the tie backwards and from a disadvantageous angle. He looks in my eyes, bless him. Not like it matters, he's seen everything.
I fell asleep last night, my head against Lochlan's chest, feeling the thud-snap of his heart against my ear, hand on his stomach. Sam wrapped around my back, one hand extended around my ribcage, hand splayed to hold me close. I woke up and we were much the same, still, only Ben was there too on the other side of Sam, his arm reaching across the top of the bed, hand on the top of Lochlan's head. Lochlan is Ben's comfort object I think, and while he didn't mind finding Sam there on my right, he wasn't going to discreetly find a different place to sleep, going to crash in Sam's bed next door or back downstairs to the couch or studio couch, for that matter. Ben will just pile in, bringing a much-needed safety and security to the night that we welcome, no matter how many are in the bed.
You coming?
If I play my cards right. I wink at him and reach up to kiss his cheek.
Sam laughs. Didn't get enough last night?
Of you, yes. Not of them. He knows I'm only teasing him. Who can get enough of Sam? Sam is a dream when you know you're awake. He knows when to be gentle and knows when to double down without ever having to ask.
Separately or together? He is curious. Openly inquisitive. We don't play games. We'd both like to dissect love proper, rip it apart, see what's inside, put it back together. Hack it for our benefits.
I shrug and whisper. I'll let them decide. Or you can, if you come back tonight.
Another kiss, a now-straight tie and he is ready, joyfully buoyant and fresh. He looks so young sometimes I almost feel bad for him but then I remember what he's like when the sun isn't just on the verge of coming up. They all have a kind of sexual Jekyll and Hyde energy that leaves them polar opposites whether it's night or day. By all I mean everyone save for Lochlan, who holds a quiet intensity with me that never wanes no matter what.
I don't mind.
What time?
Bedtime is elevenish, maybe twelve. But we're setting up the movie screen and projector on the side of the camper at the edge of the cliff at nine or so, so you're more than welcome to come watch a movie first.
I may do that. I hear you serve lemonade.
And iced tea!
I'll be there. Now, you sure you don't want to come with me? I have a few minutes before I need to leave if you want to get dressed.
No, like I said, I have plans. And what's wrong with my outfit? I give a twirl and he laughs.
Absolutely nothing. You're made in God's own image.
Except the tattoos.
Those are fine, trust me.
Here. I climb out of bed naked and stand in front of him, easily tying the tie backwards and from a disadvantageous angle. He looks in my eyes, bless him. Not like it matters, he's seen everything.
I fell asleep last night, my head against Lochlan's chest, feeling the thud-snap of his heart against my ear, hand on his stomach. Sam wrapped around my back, one hand extended around my ribcage, hand splayed to hold me close. I woke up and we were much the same, still, only Ben was there too on the other side of Sam, his arm reaching across the top of the bed, hand on the top of Lochlan's head. Lochlan is Ben's comfort object I think, and while he didn't mind finding Sam there on my right, he wasn't going to discreetly find a different place to sleep, going to crash in Sam's bed next door or back downstairs to the couch or studio couch, for that matter. Ben will just pile in, bringing a much-needed safety and security to the night that we welcome, no matter how many are in the bed.
You coming?
If I play my cards right. I wink at him and reach up to kiss his cheek.
Sam laughs. Didn't get enough last night?
Of you, yes. Not of them. He knows I'm only teasing him. Who can get enough of Sam? Sam is a dream when you know you're awake. He knows when to be gentle and knows when to double down without ever having to ask.
Separately or together? He is curious. Openly inquisitive. We don't play games. We'd both like to dissect love proper, rip it apart, see what's inside, put it back together. Hack it for our benefits.
I shrug and whisper. I'll let them decide. Or you can, if you come back tonight.
Another kiss, a now-straight tie and he is ready, joyfully buoyant and fresh. He looks so young sometimes I almost feel bad for him but then I remember what he's like when the sun isn't just on the verge of coming up. They all have a kind of sexual Jekyll and Hyde energy that leaves them polar opposites whether it's night or day. By all I mean everyone save for Lochlan, who holds a quiet intensity with me that never wanes no matter what.
I don't mind.
What time?
Bedtime is elevenish, maybe twelve. But we're setting up the movie screen and projector on the side of the camper at the edge of the cliff at nine or so, so you're more than welcome to come watch a movie first.
I may do that. I hear you serve lemonade.
And iced tea!
I'll be there. Now, you sure you don't want to come with me? I have a few minutes before I need to leave if you want to get dressed.
No, like I said, I have plans. And what's wrong with my outfit? I give a twirl and he laughs.
Absolutely nothing. You're made in God's own image.
Except the tattoos.
Those are fine, trust me.