Thursday 23 September 2021

Second Gen/proud ghost.

(A rare glimpse into a rare soul. Don't get used to it, he's off-limits.)

Spent the morning with Henry. He's the model for making masks as he has the largest head, and we also spent a little bit getting him set up with his very own credit card, something he is very excited about. Mostly because I go around warning people not to use their debit cards (if your debit gets compromised it's a tedious process to fix. Credit cards have much more simplified fraud protection, that's all) and debit was all he had. He's in such an intensive program in school he can't work until he graduates in the upcoming spring but he has enough money banked and only asked for a small limit so the bank said yes and the card is on the way. 

All the masks fit too. I have a template I use. I sew all of them, collect them, wash them and redistribute. There's a big basket of them right beside the front door. He wore a pink flowered one to vote on Monday so I figured it was time to add some new ones to the basket. These new ones are all very gender-neutral. 

I pointed that out and he said Mom, no one cares what mask I wear. Colours aren't divided by gender. 

Oh, this child. He teaches me so much. I put the pink mask in with the rest. It's only technically mine because I have a very tiny head and it's a very small (childsize) mask that I picked up at the beginning of the pandemic. If I talk though it slips so I wear the ones I make now too. 

Twice he told Caleb that he could see me later, when Caleb popped his head in to see if I was free. On the third attempt Henry actually roasted him. Man, you can't see she and I are spending time? 

And stood up to wait for Caleb's answer, eye to eye. Henry is no longer a blissfully ignorant eight-year-old and instead a jaded twenty-year-old who has decided Mom is off limits to everyone's bullshit. Even though most if not all of it is kept from him and I try so hard around him. He doesn't miss anything, however and I maybe should give him more credit. 

So I do and this happens. I backed him and I always will, because Caleb looked around the side of Henry and asked if maybe later...?

The day's full, Henry reiterated and I looked away again.

He's right, Cale. Maybe text me tomorrow. 

Or maybe leave it til Sunday or Monday, Henry says. Parting shot fired. Kill shot. 

Caleb's face drains of all colour and he nods. Will do, he says to Henry. Sorry for barging in. 

It's fine. Now you know. Henry smiles mildly, just like Jacob used to when he was pissed but being professional and closes the door again to the room. 

Henny-

Mom, it's bullshit. He makes you unhappy. 

He's provided this life for us. For you. For all of your uncles. 

They can cover it. He's almost...parasitic.

Henry Jacob! 

Around you. He's good to everyone but he makes you sad and I hate it. He fucked up Ben and-

He doesn't-

Mom, you don't need to protect me anymore, I'm an adult. 

I turn and look at him. He's in red/green. Three-dimensional. Jacob steps to the side four inches and then back in and it's Henry again. Same earnest intentions, same ironclad values, same low tolerance for anything but someone's best. 

I know you are but just understand things are really complicated after so many years. 

Oh, I see that. Don't you worry. 

Made me smile so big and I haven't stopped smiling since. 

What's the face for? Ben asks hours later. Can't stop won't stop. 

It was a good day. 

Really? 

Yeah. I'll tell you about it later. 

And for the rest of the evening every time I tried to go and see Caleb to apologize, to point out how adult Henry actually is and how little gets past him, Henry would stop me and say you're not going to go discount my actions earlier, leave it. 

Ah. Might be Jacob's but you can definitely tell this boy was raised by Lochlan.