Neither awake nor asleep I am on the steep edge in between, arms out, fairly confident in my balancing abilities, walking the line between dreams and life, as always.
Jacob slides my bangs away from my eyes with his thumb.
Morning, Princess. Nice to see you sleep.
Drugs, I mumble, still clinging to that edge and not ready to pick a side. Issinevitable, Pooh.
Necessary evil. He kisses my knuckles, reading them with a strange look. Not sure in the end that he actually adored my tattoos or simply put up with them. I should show him the big X on my abdomen if he wants to really be surprised.
Mmmmm. I turn away from him, back toward Lochlan, who is out like a light.
A kiss bounces off the back of my head as I fall back into a shallow sleep and I forget to pay attention. He is there. I have to acknowledge him but if I don't is he actually there? He can be Schrodinger's Jacob and I can be in denial. I'm not actually crazy if I don't tell anyone I talk to him in the most unscheduled ways now. He just flits in and out of my days or nights like a will o' the wisp and I have to focus or he's gone again. I'm only doing this to remember his voice or the way his eyes crinkle right up when he smiles, right? I'm only doing this so I don't have to acknowledge that he's gone, across the marsh with the geese and into the dim twilight again, flooding me with a homesick cure, burying me alive.
In the actual morning I wake up, the ledge is far off in the distance, depth of field putting it behind the fog and Lochlan is in front of the ghosts, who bide their time and their directives, left by me in another life but still holding and will never change. I keep my enemies close but my ghosts even closer and Jacob looks concerned but satisfied that Lochlan is jumping through Sam and August's hoops to keep me on track, so I don't go right off the rails.
Where? (Crap, I'm busted.)
By the stables, just in front of the blackberries.
And the other?
On the roof.
Far enough to be safe. He has his own ideas and I don't understand his any better than he understands mine.