Here's the lowdown today, in case you thought that I had retreated to my ivory tower with my typewriter in hand, having Jacob run up trays, muscles ripped and toothy grins and all sexy-like.
That's only on Tuesdays and Saturdays. I'm kidding. It's whenever I damn well feel like it. He's awesome.
I woke up in the middle of a coughing fit this morning. Drippy, miserable, scratchy-voiced and I got that super-woozy feeling in the shower this morning and I called Jacob and he came in and I burst into tears and he canceled today for me just because.
I still haven't shipped the gifts home yet and today I was going to finish pulling everything together but it's nicer to sit at the keyboard and write a bit, one hand firmly wrapped around a perpetual cup of warmth.
I haven't touched the spinning wheel in recent memory and I even bailed on running today (which I have barely resumed as it is) because of the weather this morning and I feel guilty even though it's stupid to go running when you're sick and even dumber when you're detoxing and half insane. I need a new outlet. Oh, besides the crying. Lord.
So I babble endlessly. I called Caleb to reschedule his visit since he's here in town every second week for a few days, even though I honestly don't feel I can face him anymore, so much has changed. That was a hard conversation.
Caleb C______.
Caleb? Hey, it's me.
Bridget! How are you doing? And is this a new number? You sound sick.
It is. I'm okay. It's just a cold.
Is he treating you alright?
Of course.
Your journal makes me wonder.
That's my padded room, Caleb. And it's none of your business.
I know, that's why I didn't call.
I appreciate that.
Did you find a time when I can stop in?
Yes, any time from now til Christmas, the kids are finished school in a week if that helps.
Maybe I can take you out to lunch.
Right. So, just let me know when you want to see them.
You've going to avoid me, aren't you?
I won't lie and say no. Self-preservation is a must.
Tell that to your new husband.
I'm not asking for your input, Caleb.
I realize that and I apologize, Bridget. But I'm asking you point-blank if I can take you out for a drink or a coffee while I'm there.
Maybe, I don't know.
Fair enough. I'll let you know when my flights are as soon as my assistant books them. I've got meetings there end of next week as it is.
Okay, thanks.
Thank you, Bridget.
Jacob made his disapproval clear when I repeated the conversation to him and he doesn't understand why I would allow Caleb anywhere near here but I reminded him that he (Jake)was the kids' favorite uncle/godfather forever and how would he have liked it if I had said he couldn't see them anymore? He pointed out Caleb's once a year previous contact with them and the facts that Jake and I were so close, everything is completely different. He has a point but I continue to try to do the right things for the kids' sakes and I don't think I'm going to go out with Caleb at all because it's not necessary.
Christian, in his infinite red-headed, freckled wisdom made a funny observation the other day and the more I think about it, the more it fits. He said my life is like a snowglobe, you can shake me up and slowly watch as the music plays and the glitter swirls madly around in a tornado and then slowly the music begins to wind down and the glitter eventually settles down all over everything and all is peaceful for a few moments or days and then someone comes along again and picks up the globe and gives it another violent shake and it begins all over again.
That says that I still have some of my sparkles but it also highlights the lack of responsibility people hold me to these days. Which would be fun if I was anyone else, but no, I'm uptight, responsible Bridget. At least most of the time I am, anyway. Oh, please. I'm not. I'm not that stupid that I don't see it.
I'm going back to bed for a bit.
