Friday, 28 April 2006


   (long pause) Hello?

    Jacob, it's me.

    Oh God, Bridge, I seriously thought you would never speak to me again.

    I couldn't do that Jake.

    I'm glad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you first and give you time to process. I just had to know if you wanted me as badly as I wanted you.

    I know. I'm not mad anymore. I'm sorry I didn't call before. I don't even know what to do.

    About us?


    What do you want to do Bridget? If I wasn't going where would you be right now?

    With you. In your arms. Smiling at you, kissing you. But I can't pretend, Jacob. Now when I see you I know you're leaving and it breaks my heart.

    What if I said I would stay?

    You already told everyone you wouldn't change your mind and we both know staying just for me would be stupid.

    No. Bridget, you want to know what's stupid? That I didn't work a little harder to win your heart in the first place, and then maybe you'd be with me and those kids would be mine and I could take you all with me and I could have saved you from all this pain in the first place.

    Jake, things happen for a reason.

    You don't have to tell me that, Bridge. Don't try to talk circles around me, let's just deal with us. Right now. Right here.

    Then don't give me false hope, Jacob.

    Then believe me when I say I will stay if you want me to stay.

    Why is everything up to me all of the sudden? No one cared how I felt when you guys were planning this? I didn't get to decide if I wanted a timed relationship with you-YOU chose that for me. So I'd be surprised now if I got to have a say in how your life turns out.

    You've always decided how my life goes. That's how much I love you Bridget.

    Don't do this Jacob. You know I love you or this wouldn't be so hard.

    So we're going to go in circles until I get fed up and leave? Will that make you feel better?

    No, but somehow it's easier to watch you leave and hate your guts then to watch you leave and love you this much.

    No one said life was going to be easy baby.

    They didn't did they?

    Nope. Can I come over? We can talk? Just talk, nothing else. Maybe I'll bring some hamburgers to barbeque.

    Okay. Just talk.

    Okay, see you in a bit.

    Bye Jake.

    Bye Bridge. I love you.

    I love you Jake.

Again, he's going to be duly thrilled that I post our phone calls, but as you can see, today is going to bring absolutely no progress whatsoever. And I am slowly losing my mind.

I suppose it's nice to document just how exquisitely heartbreaking these guys can be before I murder them both and become a lesbian.