Monday, 24 April 2006

Knives everywhere.

Sometimes a week takes a year to pass. An exhausting 7 days, a grueling endeavor that crawls at a urchin's pace. A week you are going to be happy to leave behind. A week that introduces and marks a major turning point of your life forever and ever.

I don't think I'll ever get on with my life. It feels as if no matter which way I turn or which door I open, someone gets hurt, their fingers caught in the hinges of my decisions.

I think I have aged a hundred years. I know I look tired and I feel completely worn out too. There have been a few hiccups in the progression from happily married to completely insane but why wouldn't there be? There are bills and taxes and house things and joint ownership issues that will take forever to sort out. I wish it was easier. But yet I'm happy that Trey and I will be connected forever through the kids. I still love him, he's still so much of my life.

And then when I see Jacob I just melt. I'm not sure what it is. It's not the new-love thing where you're all googly eyes and silly smiles that don't wipe off. It's the same feeling I've had every time he smiled at me over the past ten years, or when we'd dance together or accidently bump elbows. I guess I spent a long time dreaming of an exodus to him and then it was handed to me wrapped with a bow.

Last night Jacob was whittling. Yes, whittling. A real renaissance man. He had his Victorinox knife and a wooden chopstick that he pulled out of my hair, letting the twist fall out and he was leaning on my hair, which started to hurt after a while. I gave him a push and told him to watch out and he handed me a beautifully carved rose hair stick. Similar to a not-as-nice plastic one I wear when I know where it is, otherwise chopsticks, pens, butterknives and sometimes turkey skewers fit the bill.

Jacob then asked for more chopsticks so he could make more of them for me. I guess he thinks the butter knives are dangerous.