It's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
And threw you to the ground
Who's there that makes you so afraid?
You're shaken to the bone
And no, I don't understand
You deserve so much more than this
I'm trying not to take the words. I push them away as they as are pushed against my breastbone. It isn't personal. It's an injury. He's going to be like this and it's not his fault but it's not mine either and I don't know how much of this I can take.
A hand rests against my back, keeping me up against the onslaught. I take a deep breath out, relaxing all of my muscles, digging down deep into the stubbornness.
Good luck with that, I say suddenly.
With what? He's not following my mental conversation. Good.
With trying to drive me away because you don't want me to see you weakened?
You call this 'weakened'? Bee, I'm ruined. I can't fucking tie my fucking shoes.
We'll get you some pull-on ones. I'm dead serious. He thinks I'm trying to dismiss his middle-of-the-night cry-out-for-anyone deeply-seated fears. He knows damn well I'm the last person who would ever do that, seeing as how he and I have always shared this and we don't ever take it lightly. He's offended and I'm offended at his assumption that I've somehow changed and I can feel myself wading in to the deep dark waters where he waits for me, a monster I'm not supposed to argue with, blithely, strongly, somehow ignoring his outbursts and his words.
You don't want to fight with Ben. He's fierce and cutting and frightening and that was exactly what led Caleb to throw a punch when he ran out of reasonable. When he became afraid and needed to fall back on his size and strength just to make a point.
Right.
It'll come back.
Or it won't. You don't know. I don't know. They don't know if it will.
Hey, Ben? There's Lochlan. Ready to take over. Jacob moves his hand from my back. The reinforcements are here and now the ghosts can run and hide again. She doesn't have the answers you're looking for.
Doesn't she? Isn't she supposed to be the patron saint of the Collective? Isn't she my Jesus? If she doesn't read my future are you going to do it? Come on. Grab your fucking crystal balls and tell us all how this ends. The only thing I had going for me I've lost. Now what, Lochlan? I fade into obscurity. She turns away. What the fuck is left here, you want to tell me?Everything, Benny. Everything is right here for you and for all of us.
I don't have any leverage.
You don't need any.
Don't fucking patronize me, Locket. (Oh, he called him Locket. My heart.)
I'M NOT. Oh, Loch's getting mad now. He doesn't suffer self-pity any more than anything else. Well, unless he's drunk but it's seven on a Friday morning. Also he doesn't do that the way I do. Someone has to bring the acumen. It's always on Lochlan, an easy choice for alpha-everything, something Ben suddenly can't stand.
I try and play the peacemaker. It's not you, Ben. It's just the pills talking, remember how they make you irritabl-
Great. My little shadow is my enabler.
What would you have me do?
Tell me to fuck off, Bridge. To go away until I have my shit together and come back to you whole.
You're not going anywhere, and I always liked you more when I was stronger.
Well, that's good to know isn't it? Guess you got your wish.
