Every early Christmas season Batman comes out of his cave and checks his watch for the beginnings of the biggest holiday of the year. He sees the decorations and lights beginning to go up and he comes alive. We have a curious dynamic and half the time I can't read him at all. He is closed off. He's the human and I'm the vampire, blind to his thoughts, ignorant of his whims but prompt and present when summoned, as ever.
Good evening, Bridget. A drink?
A small one. I'm not one hundred percent back from being sick.
Are you feeling better?
Yes. Thank you. He hands me a barest centimetre-high whiskey in a glass. Single malt. The best. My favorite, Lagavulin. I haven't even seen any in my travels this year but I try to get a bottle for the holidays. I can lick gravestones to my hearts content, filling my veins up with peat. A true tiny vampire if ever there was one.
I take a sip while he watches me. After a moment he takes the glass and puts them on the table, pulling me in close. A long hug and I feel every muscle in his body relax. Not a rare thing at all and I hold him tight. I get a lot of hugs in the winter. It's cold.
His hand slides up around my head and I stiffen slightly, not catching it in time to slip past him.
You're hesitant.
I haven't been here in months.
Long overdue, Bridget. Your birthday week was the last visit. Six months.
I should go.
I'd like you to stay with me. Just for the night.
What if we didn't.. I stop. I don't think this is going to go how I want it to.
What do you need?
A friend without...benefits.
Does it have to be me?
I can trust you.
He finishes his drink in one gulp, discarding his glass again. Turning away suddenly.
I don't recall asking for a broken heart for Christm- He stops talking abruptly and I close my eyes and wait, biting my lip. What's changed?
I'm trying to figure out how to be an adult here. We've had this conversation before.
Is Caleb respo-
No. It has nothing to do with him. It's a whisper now. I just need to do this for me.
Who does it benefit?
Me. As I said.
A silence followed that was so long the tides went out and then came back in closer, if only just to listen.
Then I support you, one hundred percent. He turns back around. His eyes are shining but his face is unreadable again. Godammit. This is an easy end. We go years between touching each other. Maybe we will again someday but instead of saying Not tonight I always try to go long with the Never agains. He probably doesn't even believe me because I've done this before.
Your deposits will continue, Bridget. You don't need to worry abo-
I know. Thank you. I don't argue with him over that anymore. I've tried for decades.
Can we still spend time? I'd actually love it if you come shopping with me this week to pick up the things I need.
Yes. And I do really need you. Thank you for understanding.
He comes back to me, pulling me in, bending his head down and placing a soft kiss against my cheek. Go home to your husband. I'll be over at six for Ben (Thursdays Batman comes and assists in Ben's rehab. It turns out I can't go in the pool every day this time of year. My whole flesh suit is cracked and rashy from the chlorine mixed with the dry winter air inside the house).
I love you.
He tightens. I do too. I'm happy to be the good guy if you need me to be one, though it never gets me anywhere.
His bitter laugh sends me out into the dark and his eyes track every step I take on the way back home.