We won't just fall awayI watch him sleep. God, he's trying so hard right now. I should be grateful. I should be thrilled. I should be less suspicious. The extreme stress of coming home, suddenly wondering if maybe it truly was a terrible idea to have Sam and Caleb living in the same house led to a mess yesterday and the only way out of it was the cold shock of the sea. I was perfectly safe. Caleb's a great swimmer. They can see it coming a mile away and I never throw myself in unless under heavy supervision. It's enough to reset my brain, or set it back, as it did yesterday, failing to do it's job, floating my ghosts to the surface, looming those monsters in closer than ever, thanks and I was relieved to be out.
We weren't just born to fade
Our stories are past the horizon
We're chasing the sun till we find them
They've been fine. If anything they are giving each other healthy space but also notes of curiosity float between them as they are the final relationship within the Collective to form, Sam uninterested in forging a friendship with someone who flies in the face of his deep faith, Caleb loathe to extend the barest of acknowledgement to someone he considers a credible threat.
But yet here we are. They cooked dinner together last night, the electric snap of interest between them palpable and elastic. I didn't expect that. I mean, maybe it was a show but Sam rarely engages in effort for effort's sake and needs meaningful reasons for anything. Caleb is surprised to discover Sam is engaging, warm and concerned without being overbearing or intrusive. Sam is enigmatic and fascinating. He's a little like Lochlan save for the energetic intensity and quiet confidence. He's more than a little cute. And they can fall in love over the coming Autumn while I fall apart, I guess, and it will be fun to watch.
But he turned his attention back to me after dark, when Sam and the others drifted to their corners, new and familiar. He took my hands in his, kissed my palms and then held to his face so I would pay attention.
I meant what I said.
I nod.
Will you help me fix this. I started it and I'm holding myself accountable. Will you help me to help you?
I nod again. I'm trying not to cry. If I say a single word it's going to happen. He is already.
No more jumping in the sea?
I can't promise-
You have to, Bridget. No more of that. No more waiting until it's so bad you don't have a choice. I want you to come to me before it gets to that point. Do you understand?
I don't always have a warning, Cale-
Jesus Christ.