Cowardly Lion: All right, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do.
Tin Woodsman: What's that?
Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it.
Last night we came home in a cab, without the truck and more than a little early. I won't drive medicated. He was half loaded and on a mission. It was the return of Jacob the Pooh.
Bridget, something very important has occurred and I think I would much like to go over it with you in so much as you need to hear this, I think. Listen way more carefully than usual for me, my princess and I'll begin to tell you all of it.
Jacob-
No, Bridget, I have figured all of it out. It's amazing, baby girl. I've got it.
Okay.
Shhh. Just let me while I have so much of this feeling of courage. I can meet you halfway.
Halfway.
Shhh. Yes. Halfway. If I bring the light in and shine it around we can see what we've got.
I waited, listening.
Are you with me? Say something.
I have no idea what you're talking about, Jacob.
You can show me what you want because I tuned you out and now I'm in the dark but I've got the light so you show me where you want to go and I'm open to trying it and I won't draw the line unless you're going to get hurt. Okay, princess, we need to go now before I change my minds. Because in a while I may have a difficult time with this and so it must be now.
Okay Hubbell.
What?
Nevermind. Jake, I don't think you're in any shape to make this kind of decision.
Well you know what I know already and that's that you're mine. You're mine and no one else's-they cannot have you! You're my girl now and I love you and I want you to have everything that I haven't given you yet and I think right about now is a time that would be good for that, don't you think and then you really would be all mine. That's all I ever wanted, princess, was for you to be mine of my own.
Oh hell, now he's slurring himself into incomprehensible whispers. And my eyes are watering from the whiskey fumes he is emanating and from trying to not cry at the generosity of his efforts.
Oh this is great, princess, the ceiling is turning. Come and see this view for ourselves.
Jacob, you're so fucked.
No, it's cool. Come here so I can hold you and I never want to be in another spot except for this one because this one is where I want to be.
He pulled down my jeans (that I opted to wear at the last minute instead of a dress) and then swore because I was still fully dressed while he fumbled with my clothes and his own and I opted not to help him because I never help him unless he asks, he likes it that way. Then he just stopped and lay flat on his back with his arms spread out.
Oh God, princess. Make it stop.
Jacob, it has to wear off.
Oh my God. This is horrible.
No, you know what's going to suck? Tomorrow. Ever heard the saying "The bigger they are the harder they fall?" You're going to fall, preacher boy and it's going to be from very high up.
Oh my God.
How much did you have?
Two drinks. Just two.
You've got to be kidding me. I'm totally ashamed of you right now.
There is not enough of your Irish in me tonight.
That's because I'm so much tougher than most people, Jacob. Right?
Oh my God, you are so fucking sweet. Come here.
He got his hands into my jeans again and promptly fell asleep.
Today is going to be long.
