Boy, you really are Jacob's 'main squeeze'.
I always knew he had a 'crush' on you.
And those were the ones I can repeat, as the boys weigh in on the latest news. The unrepeatable ones were references to the friendly giant's commanding size and how girls should watch out, lest he rearrange their innards, or some such depravity.
I said I love my friends, right? Does that mean I can tell them to fuck off?
Secretly I love it but not today. Today Jacob is still rather sensitive. Today he sees how easily I wind up with dents and knocks and also how accidents happen and oh my God I wish he would smile. Just once. Ben poked him in the shoulder and made some crack yesterday and Jake didn't even move his head but shifted his eyes sideways and Ben actually made some excuse and left shortly after, never wanting to be on the bad side of Jacob. No one does and thankfully they're mostly sparing him the digs while I try not to laugh because it hurts but oh fuck me, it's so hard not to.
If all injuries came as a result of such fun. And I kept going! Which is scary because the more time passes the more babyish I'm getting about my ribcage.
But it's time to move on, to greener pastures, better topics and more excitement because life demands it. Life is to be grabbed and squeezed and emptied out and refilled and dammit, do it with gusto.
PJ took me out for coffee last night and we took the truck since I wasn't going to walk and I played Eulogy loud. Then I remembered I won't be lapdancing for a long while which made me sad and so I turned off the stereo because that's one of my favorite songs to get into.
PJ eyed me curiously.
What's up, Bridge. You okay?
Yes, just tired.
That's because you're a freak.
Nice.
Well it's true. Maybe you should slow down.
We were.
You aren't twenty-five anymore.
Well fuck you too, Padraig.
Listen, Bridget, Jake can't handle you getting hurt. He hasn't been able to yet.
We didn't mean for this to happen.
No, but maybe if you two had a normal sex life you wouldn't have gotten hurt.
I'm not having this conversation with you, Peej.
Then just take it easy. Very few things upset Jake to that extent and one of them is you and injuries, he doesn't care how they originate. The guy needs a break.
We all need a break.
Right, so just cool it.
I cannot believe you're lecturing me on Jacob.
Oh don't worry, I talked to him too.
About?
Ruining you with his giant schlong.
You DID NOT.
I did. I reminded him that princesses are delicate.
Fuck right off with that. Did you really?
No, I just said I hoped it was going to be funny in the future, because it's a good kind of disaster. Especially moving that desk.
What are you talking about?
He said the desk moved a good foot.
No way.
You hit the corner of the desk, Bridge.
I did?
Bruised livers don't come from being squished by 200 pounds of love machine.
Ah. I didn't notice but it explains a lot.
Yes, since it took both of us to push it back.
Cheese and crackers, peej!
So no more monkey business.
Right. I'll get right on that.
Bridge, you're a riot. I'm just glad it's a happy thing for you. I worry about you.
You do?
All the time. But I worry about Jacob more.
Gee, thanks.
We laughed and he turned Tool back on and put the volume on eleven, so that the next time Jacob starts the truck he'll get blown out of his seat. PJ's fun like that.
I always knew he had a 'crush' on you.
And those were the ones I can repeat, as the boys weigh in on the latest news. The unrepeatable ones were references to the friendly giant's commanding size and how girls should watch out, lest he rearrange their innards, or some such depravity.
I said I love my friends, right? Does that mean I can tell them to fuck off?
Secretly I love it but not today. Today Jacob is still rather sensitive. Today he sees how easily I wind up with dents and knocks and also how accidents happen and oh my God I wish he would smile. Just once. Ben poked him in the shoulder and made some crack yesterday and Jake didn't even move his head but shifted his eyes sideways and Ben actually made some excuse and left shortly after, never wanting to be on the bad side of Jacob. No one does and thankfully they're mostly sparing him the digs while I try not to laugh because it hurts but oh fuck me, it's so hard not to.
If all injuries came as a result of such fun. And I kept going! Which is scary because the more time passes the more babyish I'm getting about my ribcage.
But it's time to move on, to greener pastures, better topics and more excitement because life demands it. Life is to be grabbed and squeezed and emptied out and refilled and dammit, do it with gusto.
PJ took me out for coffee last night and we took the truck since I wasn't going to walk and I played Eulogy loud. Then I remembered I won't be lapdancing for a long while which made me sad and so I turned off the stereo because that's one of my favorite songs to get into.
PJ eyed me curiously.
What's up, Bridge. You okay?
Yes, just tired.
That's because you're a freak.
Nice.
Well it's true. Maybe you should slow down.
We were.
You aren't twenty-five anymore.
Well fuck you too, Padraig.
Listen, Bridget, Jake can't handle you getting hurt. He hasn't been able to yet.
We didn't mean for this to happen.
No, but maybe if you two had a normal sex life you wouldn't have gotten hurt.
I'm not having this conversation with you, Peej.
Then just take it easy. Very few things upset Jake to that extent and one of them is you and injuries, he doesn't care how they originate. The guy needs a break.
We all need a break.
Right, so just cool it.
I cannot believe you're lecturing me on Jacob.
Oh don't worry, I talked to him too.
About?
Ruining you with his giant schlong.
You DID NOT.
I did. I reminded him that princesses are delicate.
Fuck right off with that. Did you really?
No, I just said I hoped it was going to be funny in the future, because it's a good kind of disaster. Especially moving that desk.
What are you talking about?
He said the desk moved a good foot.
No way.
You hit the corner of the desk, Bridge.
I did?
Bruised livers don't come from being squished by 200 pounds of love machine.
Ah. I didn't notice but it explains a lot.
Yes, since it took both of us to push it back.
Cheese and crackers, peej!
So no more monkey business.
Right. I'll get right on that.
Bridge, you're a riot. I'm just glad it's a happy thing for you. I worry about you.
You do?
All the time. But I worry about Jacob more.
Gee, thanks.
We laughed and he turned Tool back on and put the volume on eleven, so that the next time Jacob starts the truck he'll get blown out of his seat. PJ's fun like that.