Stay away from these rocks we'd be a walking disaster
(don't reach out, don't reach out)
Just cause you feel it doesn't mean it's there
(there's someone on your shoulder)
Mmmm, internet I am up far too early for my taste on a Sunday but Butters was barking and Ben isn't responsible for letting him out even though they mostly sleep together now. I called Ben's phone from my bedroom to wake him up and beg him to let the dog out in exchange for french toast for breakfast but then I remembered his phone was charging in the kitchen when I went to bed last night.
We did manage to turn the game off long enough to catch the sickening end of another losing round of Leafs hockey. Everyone left around 10:30 and I went to bed to read around eleven, waking up with the book I was reading on my face at four a.m. I hate that. And then the dog at eight a.m. You can't tell me you're not going to wake up if that happens. But Ben pretends not to. He sleeps hard anyway. He sleeps like a rock, he doesn't move, he doesn't stir, sometimes I think he doesn't breathe or dream, He just drops.
If you're wondering how I know that there is a whole list of disastrous camping stories that left a bunch of us packed into one tent or the other, waiting out torrential rains, snowstorms, people who forget tents or large parts of them, wayward bears, rabid raccoons and other assorted situations that left him sleeping right behind me, curled around me, one arm down under my knees while Cole breathed down on my head in front of me, arms around my shoulders.
Yeah. Uh...
Anyway...
Today I have big plans. I'm going to church, going to try again now that people have stopped seeking me out for comment or curiosity, now that Sam has settled in and it doesn't feel like he's filling in and I'm only going to show Sam that I'm not avoiding him, even though I won't grant his request to come to the office and talk with him. I can't go in that office. But I can damn well stick my middle finger up at God and defiantly take my place in the sanctuary. I'm still angry with God and I'm hoping to change that.
After church we'll have a quick lunch and then I'm going shopping because I have no clothes. None. Everything is tight. Twenty pounds is a whole four sizes up and I'm happy for that but I don't know what to wear. Ben said just buy some jeans and one dress-up outfit and I'd be good to go. Maybe a couple of sweaters or something. I'm not used to shopping for myself and Cole and Jacob had the same tastes in what they liked to see me in and I think I'm done feeling like a doll. My plan today is to wear a sweater over my skirt which is held closed with pins because I can't get the zipper up. Haha.
After shopping I promised to head over to the outdoor rink before supper to watch Ben's game. They, unlike the Leafs, are doing well this year.
Dinner is at home tonight, since it's a school night. And I would like to go to bed early. I've been up for two hours and I'm already tired. I think it's because I feel the weight of God's expectations and it's a lot of work ignoring Him.
