Caleb and I had a war with our words last night after dinner, he fueled on cognac and me on gin. I haven't actually put the gin bottle down, truth be told, and it caught up with me in spades last evening. He picked at me, I retreated until he was shouting at me because I was retreating and we came full circle, shoulders up, claws out, eyes flashing.
Abruptly he turns and leaves the room. I think he's going outside so I figure I'll wait for a few minutes and then go back to my own room but then he's back.
Let's get some sleep, Neamhchiontach. It's hot. We're tired. Sleep and tomorrow it will look better.
I think I'll go.
He says nothing, and after a beat of waiting for something I turn and head out, down the hall and go to open the door. It's locked and the key that hangs in the lock is missing. It's not a bedroom lock, per se, it's an apartment deadbolt, as this is his self-contained flat and he needs to be able to lock it from both sides of the door.
In case of fire there is a balcony though. I turn around at the door and come back down the hall, walk right past him and head out to the balcony. I can climb down from the balcony or just jump. It's only on the second fl-
He grabs my arm as I pass him. Bridget. I would like you to stay.
I rebound to face him. What if I chose not to?
Then I ask you to reconsider. Stay with me. Let's rewin-
Can't take those words back, Diabhal. I whisper it. We are eyes wide, noses touching. He still hasn't let go of my arm though, and it aches.
Then let me hold you until they dissolve in time in the dark and tomorrow we'll start over.
You fucking blew it-
I know I did. Now just go to sleep! We'll figure it out tomorrow.
I start off with my arms crossed and my brows furrowed. I'm not sleeping. I'm going to lie here and be mad. I'm going to lie here angry all night and tomorrow I'm going to get up and leave without a word, even if I have to go over the balcony railing to get away from him-
After an hour of that he takes my hand under the covers. It's too hot to breathe. The air conditioning is going full steam but it's still hot. He kisses my fingers and says he loves me. I don't answer and after more time I hear his even breathing as his fingers go slack.
And eventually I give in to sleep. All the gin finally shuts me down in spite of my efforts to rage on quietly through the night. When I wake up in the morning it's cool again and raining. Caleb is already awake and staring at me.
May I leave? I ask.
Not until you listen to me.
Oh, I think I've heard eno-
Please, Bridget. He pleads again and again I relent. I lie there and he says all the things he needs to say. I know it was hot. We were drinking. Our hearts lie so close to the surface they get bruised, they grow cold when you would think the opposite will happen. He apologizes. He makes amends.
I don't doubt him and appreciate his words because we don't lie to each other these days. Our hearts might overhear, they might get confused.
When he's finished, he reaches over me to my bedside table and picks up the key that's lying there. On my side. Within eyesight. Can I walk you out?
No, get some actual rest now. I lean over and he kisses my cheek. He doesn't plead for a mulligan or a time scheduled for later, he just looks sad. I head back down the hall with the key, put it in the lock and let myself out.
Love you too, I say.