The afterglow of Sam and Matt's wedding persists, pushing back against the grey rainclouds of today, even though I have already turned into a pumpkin (a snack jack, if you're planting) and Caleb has already come back strong with a little Coldplay on the kitchen stereo (Clocks) and some incredibly incendiary Irish Coffees for breakfast. A small fruit plate to share. Plans. A late walk on the beach instead of a run. Some help putting away the decorations if I want it (because it takes a village to get him to give in to my whims) and lunch out, since things are opening.
I give a yes to the coffee + Coldplay, okay to all of the blueberries and kiwi on the plate, a beach walk instead of the run but then my day is Lochlan's. We've decided we're going to re-watch all of the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies this week and boy, are they long. Trying to cram them in around other things is proving difficult as meals are late, laundry is done during snack breaks and we've eaten ourselves round.
Someone asked via email if I've gained weight this pandemic. I don't know if it's appropriate or not but I fired off an answer as my emails are getting numerous again and I'm unsure why so it's hard to find much time for replies.
Six pounds. Puts me at 103. Lochlan's up about fifteen so you can't get cut by his chin anymore but he's still thinner than I'd like. He says the same thing about me.
What about your fabric and lights?
They're staying up indefinitely.
And lunch?
We have green salsa and nacho chips and tequila.
Sounds nutritious.
I had fruit! Just now!
Tomorrow?
Same. You can have until eleven.
Which day is completely free?
Next...Thursday I think.
Next Thursday.
Right. Not THIS Thursday, but nex-
I understand.
Then why do you look angry?
Caleb's face softens then as he checks his expression. The wedding made me have some thoughts. I'd like to share them with you. I didn't want to wait a week.
Sorry. Or we can talk right now. Or on the walk.
He starts to say something and then I am struck by the music. What is that? I interrupt.
He stops and listens. Warning Sign.
Oh. How appropriate.
I'm sorry?
Every time there's a wedding you have bridesmaid syndrome.
I guess I do.
Well, you don't have to.
That doesn't change how it feels.
I'll remember that sentence to tell you the next time you tell me not to be afraid.