Batman bites his top lip as he watches me take a sip. He's become the good-whiskey guy, always with the sparest inch in the bottom of my favorite stoneware cup, ice cube taking up the whole space, because he wouldn't want there to be any question as to whether or not I could think for myself if I stay later than allowed. He always makes sure we have a snack too, moreso because he thinks if he can circle my wrist with his finger and thumb that I must not eat and so he has a plate on the small table nearby with olives, crackers and cheese. He is in his favorite chair and I don't get a chair, because he pulled me into his lap the moment I was close enough and I didn't mind because a good pair of arms for a hug or a hold is better than oxygen to me.
How are the lilacs?
I pressed my face right into them. No smell yet. I frown and finish my glass. He sets it on the table far away and then sets down his too. Twenty bucks says it's still full. For a good-whiskey guy he hardly drinks. I've seen him tipsy twice in my life. He looked so happy, for a moment.
He pulls my face into his. Stay. Have a belated birthday visit. I have a gift for you. His eyes are bright.
I need to be back by sunrise.
I will have you back, he swears.
I let him kiss me and I return it. Do you need Lochlan here? He is gently rubbing at a bruise on my upper arm, suddenly all concern and consent.
It's from kayaking. And Lochlan knows I'm here.
He can join us-
It's fine. I return his kiss twofold just so he'll stop negotiating and figure it out. Dawn isn't all that far off. He's not into frenzied moments, he prefers to savour absolutely everything. That's why I'm still in his lap an hour into my visit.
Come up with me. He leaves the glasses but brings the bottle, taking my hand, leading me down the hall, through the kitchen and then up the main stairs. Down two more halls of a big empty, untouched house to his master suite. I prefer the garden guest bedroom for the big black iron and glass doors that look out onto a beautiful English garden path.
This way we won't see the sun coming.
I say his name and he looks dismayed. Just- Just let me pretend for the next few hours.
That's a hole of one's own.
Who says our demons are all named Jake?
I almost leave right then. I don't need to take on his pain too but I understand I'm the personification of it and I never minded giving him what he wants, as long as it doesn't make things too hard. Sometimes it does and then we have a long time apart, like now.
Let's just have this night, Bridget and in the morning we can go back to who we are.
I don't change for you. I stare at him while he avoids my eyes.
I'm grateful for that. He finally meets them and pulls my hand toward his, leaving a small box in my fingers, putting his hands in his pockets. Open it. A belated birthday present for my favorite person.
I open the box and inside is a fine gold bracelet. A thin chain with a tiny golden four-leaf clover attached on each side to the chain.
Tiffany? I asked.
He shakes his head. No. I had it made for you by a goldsmith.
It's beautiful.
Will you wear it for luck?
I nod as he puts it on me and I leave it on even when everything else is off. For luck, I remind him as he reacquaints himself with everything we've forgotten and will forget again. I arch my back against the dark as he pulls my hair back just hard enough to send a thrill up my backbone and press my teeth against his shoulder bones as he holds me close again. I can't even breathe by the time the night begins to fade and he pours us a drink to share finally, halfway full, no ice. I burn a swallow all the way down, maintaining my thirst and he finishes the whiskey without offering any more and then I get one final kiss as he moves to put his shirt back on.
Pumpkin-time, he says.
Would you like me to keep the bracelet here to wear?
If you do that you'll never get to enjoy it. Take it with you. It is yours. Thank you for staying, Bridget.
I nod. Thanks for having me. I laugh in spite of his sad expression. Under the circumstances it's a weird thing to say.
By the time I get back to the house before the sun blooms fully in the sky there's a transfer waiting for me to accept to my bank account with a note that says Like old times. I type in my password to accept it and then call him.
You can stop doing that. My life is different now.
You never would have given me the time of day without it, Bridget.
You don't know that.
I do know it. The girl I met was so desperate for Cole's focus she had to be coerced to go with dollar signs.
That was between you and Cole. Money or not, I never got a say.
It was between you and I. I asked you, remember? I wouldn't have touched you otherwise. I still won't.
May I send it back?
No, you may not. It isn't an insult either. Or a payment. It's just my way of making sure you always have a way out. I wanted you to feel like if you had to leave him you would have the means but you never went.
I loved him.
I know you did. But you should have left him long before you did and I wish I had stepped in sooner.
(He didn't step in at all.)