Wednesday 11 March 2020

Swing from the endless trapeze.

Do I think Caleb will make good on his threat to lean on Lochlan to pressure me to stay away from Sam?

Of course.

Will Lochlan do it?

No. He follows Ben's School of Managing Bridgets and Home for Wayward Boys. Let her do what she wants, set her free, yadda yadda. Secure in the knowledge that I've never ever actually left Lochlan he rests. Will I leave him? Of course not. We're in this for life.

It'll probably kill me anyway so life could be days, could be weeks. And it's not so much that I've magically fallen in love with Sam but hell, the attention is nice and sure, I was infatuated pretty quick once he joined the Collective but he's not Jake and Caleb doesn't (er...didn't) have to worry about his own role or space within. (He might now, for no one takes kindly to violence. Or threats to deceive, for that matter so we're both fucked.)

They're pretty mad, and I'm still looking wistfully across the drive.

I want Sam to acknowledge that he isn't going to disappear forever. I want him to still be over-easy affectionate and scrambled love. I want him to be my breakfast snack. I want Matt to stop breaking his heart. I want Caleb to stop breaking mine. I want to be able to control other people all the while being completely unable to control myself and I want....

I want..

I want Caleb to stop giving me orders and remember that all of this is his fault.