This is how I act when someone famous walks into my kitchen:
Oh my God, Katatonia just dropped a surprise spring release!
Is there a single?
Yes, but I didn't love-love it. I'll wait and see what the previews sound like. It's very...different.
He nods and smiles. I guess he's used to people fawning over him and not randomly talking about other things. I wonder if I should point out that I only actually do fawn over Ben but that's mostly because I love him more than life itself and I will always be his biggest fan.
Can I make you some coffee?
Please, but only if you'll have some too.
Of course.
Of course! Why wouldn't I want coffee at eight o'clock at night? Who does that? Wait, alcoholics do that. I take down two mugs and fire up the Keurig. He opens the fridge to find milk while I put the sugar and a spoon on the island, in case he takes it with everything. Coffee shop jobs die hard.
What are your other favorites these days?
I rattle off a handful of up-and-comers and beloved ride-or-dies and he nods. Pleased he has a walking crystal ball in front of him or maybe he's happy to pretend he has a wife to make his coffee for five seconds. I can see he's still wildly rattled that I haven't gushed or asked for a photo or something.
Do you want something to eat?
No, I'm fine, thank you.
What are YOUR favorites these days?
Oh, well, I'm working on a good assortment. He rattles off three bands I've been listening to for years. Yeah, I know. But he seemed far more comfortable talking about himself and we both know it.
Ben is lucky.
Okay, don't-
I mean, I can see the stability is good in this environment. He's very content. You're a constant strength.
It's the other way around. He is the strength.
I see. Anything I can do to help?
No, thank you. We're doing great here.
I see that. (OMG STOP SAYING THAT.) If you do need anything, however, here's my card. I'll put my personal cell on it. He writes a number on the back and holds it out while I look at it, pained expression all over my face.
If I've overstepped-
Do you know how many of these cards I have?
He pulls out his wallet and tucks it back inside. I see.
I don't know if you do.
In my life I have to take my chances when I see them. It's lonely at my house. I'm looking to make it a home.
I think there are websites for that.
It's not the same.
I see (TAKE THAT, FUCKER). More fun to swoop in and steal supposed surface-girlfriends from your artists?
'Surface' girlfriends?
You know, the ones that float. In the shallow end. With their purchased...assets. Ready to jump to the next pool that glitters more brightly.
At the risk of sounding awful, it usually works-
It won't work here. (I give him mental credit for going for it even though I'm close in age to him, at least and not some naive twenty-year-old with wide eyes and Big Plans.)
Bridget, please accept my apologies for my assumptions and my terrible behaviour. May we start fresh?
I don't think I'd like to do that.
I understand.
Beware the surface girls, hey? They'll suck the life right out of you.
But isn't that better than a life alone?
I don't know if it is. Something to think about, anyway.
Oh my God, Katatonia just dropped a surprise spring release!
Is there a single?
Yes, but I didn't love-love it. I'll wait and see what the previews sound like. It's very...different.
He nods and smiles. I guess he's used to people fawning over him and not randomly talking about other things. I wonder if I should point out that I only actually do fawn over Ben but that's mostly because I love him more than life itself and I will always be his biggest fan.
Can I make you some coffee?
Please, but only if you'll have some too.
Of course.
Of course! Why wouldn't I want coffee at eight o'clock at night? Who does that? Wait, alcoholics do that. I take down two mugs and fire up the Keurig. He opens the fridge to find milk while I put the sugar and a spoon on the island, in case he takes it with everything. Coffee shop jobs die hard.
What are your other favorites these days?
I rattle off a handful of up-and-comers and beloved ride-or-dies and he nods. Pleased he has a walking crystal ball in front of him or maybe he's happy to pretend he has a wife to make his coffee for five seconds. I can see he's still wildly rattled that I haven't gushed or asked for a photo or something.
Do you want something to eat?
No, I'm fine, thank you.
What are YOUR favorites these days?
Oh, well, I'm working on a good assortment. He rattles off three bands I've been listening to for years. Yeah, I know. But he seemed far more comfortable talking about himself and we both know it.
Ben is lucky.
Okay, don't-
I mean, I can see the stability is good in this environment. He's very content. You're a constant strength.
It's the other way around. He is the strength.
I see. Anything I can do to help?
No, thank you. We're doing great here.
I see that. (OMG STOP SAYING THAT.) If you do need anything, however, here's my card. I'll put my personal cell on it. He writes a number on the back and holds it out while I look at it, pained expression all over my face.
If I've overstepped-
Do you know how many of these cards I have?
He pulls out his wallet and tucks it back inside. I see.
I don't know if you do.
In my life I have to take my chances when I see them. It's lonely at my house. I'm looking to make it a home.
I think there are websites for that.
It's not the same.
I see (TAKE THAT, FUCKER). More fun to swoop in and steal supposed surface-girlfriends from your artists?
'Surface' girlfriends?
You know, the ones that float. In the shallow end. With their purchased...assets. Ready to jump to the next pool that glitters more brightly.
At the risk of sounding awful, it usually works-
It won't work here. (I give him mental credit for going for it even though I'm close in age to him, at least and not some naive twenty-year-old with wide eyes and Big Plans.)
Bridget, please accept my apologies for my assumptions and my terrible behaviour. May we start fresh?
I don't think I'd like to do that.
I understand.
Beware the surface girls, hey? They'll suck the life right out of you.
But isn't that better than a life alone?
I don't know if it is. Something to think about, anyway.