The best place to have an existential crisis these days is the gazebo. If you lie flat on your back with your head sticking out on the step you get the added benefit of only being cold on your head, letting the rain wash your hair while your clothes remain nice and dry and heat blasts down on your prone form, drying you out like a husk of your former self.
Duncan is beside me. He asked if I wanted to hang out for half an hour outside to get some fresh air. Lochlan agreed to the half hour because surprise, he's on a conference call because the person who took the job didn't know how to do all of it.
Duncan is smoking his annual new year blunt. Because he's not going to give up his lizard kingdom without a fight and because he's remorseless and as hypocritical as the rest. I call him on it. Giving back your coins?
I stopped drinking. Keeping my coins.
Alcohol is a drug, Dunk.
Don't grind my gears, Bridge. He growls it at me, getting up and stamping out his treat, smudging it into the concrete pad at the edge of the step. Better?
Talk to Ben about that.
It's once a year! It's a ritual, not a crutch. If it was a crutch, I'd do it more than this.
What's wrong, Dunk. You're far more short-tempered than usual.
Second. He's looking over the grass. We have a visitor approaching. I look sideways and see a blur but I know their gaits. It's New Jake. For fucks sake. What does he want?
He reaches us at last with a smile and a wave. Duncan stares him down. New Jake fails to notice but nods in his direction and addresses me upsidedown as I look up at him from the floor.
I need a passenger for this afternoon. I put new rear shocks on the bike and I want to see how it drives. Hoping to add a hundred pounds or so. Would you like a ride today, Bridget?
It's raining. Duncan says it before I can answer.
It's only a sprinkle. What do you say, Bri-
She's busy today. Duncan looks in the other direction, at an imaginary plane. Try PJ.
That's twice as much weight as I want to test.
Sorry then. Another time.
New Jake takes the hint and tells us to have a great day. I respond warmly with the same while Duncan ignores him. I wait until he disappears far away around the side of Batman's house and turn to look at Duncan.
What was that?
He sniffs around you like a hungry bear. I'm just trying to keep you from getting eaten.
I point to my ear. Too late, don't you think? You going to tear Caleb a new one as well?
Pretty sure PJ and Lochlan are doing that right now.
I jump up. You set me up so they could hurt him?
No, Bridget, I distracted you so they could teach him a lesson.
Thought you were my friend.
We thought Caleb was your friend.
He's never been. You all know this. And with that I'm gone, flying back to the house to try and stop whatever's about to happen.
***
He's fine. PJ held him down, Lochlan bit his ear until it bled. What an interesting twist and amazing payback because now he knows how much it hurts. Caleb now has two stitches (with Lochlan's assurances that he 'held back', so I transferred the appropriate amount to his account. We're so mature.
Duncan is beside me. He asked if I wanted to hang out for half an hour outside to get some fresh air. Lochlan agreed to the half hour because surprise, he's on a conference call because the person who took the job didn't know how to do all of it.
Duncan is smoking his annual new year blunt. Because he's not going to give up his lizard kingdom without a fight and because he's remorseless and as hypocritical as the rest. I call him on it. Giving back your coins?
I stopped drinking. Keeping my coins.
Alcohol is a drug, Dunk.
Don't grind my gears, Bridge. He growls it at me, getting up and stamping out his treat, smudging it into the concrete pad at the edge of the step. Better?
Talk to Ben about that.
It's once a year! It's a ritual, not a crutch. If it was a crutch, I'd do it more than this.
What's wrong, Dunk. You're far more short-tempered than usual.
Second. He's looking over the grass. We have a visitor approaching. I look sideways and see a blur but I know their gaits. It's New Jake. For fucks sake. What does he want?
He reaches us at last with a smile and a wave. Duncan stares him down. New Jake fails to notice but nods in his direction and addresses me upsidedown as I look up at him from the floor.
I need a passenger for this afternoon. I put new rear shocks on the bike and I want to see how it drives. Hoping to add a hundred pounds or so. Would you like a ride today, Bridget?
It's raining. Duncan says it before I can answer.
It's only a sprinkle. What do you say, Bri-
She's busy today. Duncan looks in the other direction, at an imaginary plane. Try PJ.
That's twice as much weight as I want to test.
Sorry then. Another time.
New Jake takes the hint and tells us to have a great day. I respond warmly with the same while Duncan ignores him. I wait until he disappears far away around the side of Batman's house and turn to look at Duncan.
What was that?
He sniffs around you like a hungry bear. I'm just trying to keep you from getting eaten.
I point to my ear. Too late, don't you think? You going to tear Caleb a new one as well?
Pretty sure PJ and Lochlan are doing that right now.
I jump up. You set me up so they could hurt him?
No, Bridget, I distracted you so they could teach him a lesson.
Thought you were my friend.
We thought Caleb was your friend.
He's never been. You all know this. And with that I'm gone, flying back to the house to try and stop whatever's about to happen.
***
He's fine. PJ held him down, Lochlan bit his ear until it bled. What an interesting twist and amazing payback because now he knows how much it hurts. Caleb now has two stitches (with Lochlan's assurances that he 'held back', so I transferred the appropriate amount to his account. We're so mature.