PJ called me late last night to see if I had written him off. He's coming over for breakfast and to go to church with us because he misses us. He's feeling the sting of Loch's exposure of all these dormant crushes, of the fact that there's a reason most of my male friends are single, and of Jacob's blatant attempt to fill our tentative social calendar with his own friends. From his life. And changing everything to become his. His rampant ownership issues that all lead back to me and how he's still pinching himself.
PJ wants reassurance, he wants a hug. He wants time with me and I can't give him anything that will soothe his discomforts. Jacob doesn't want to see affection that isn't propagated or instigated by him. He doesn't want me spending time alone with any of the guys. He's not jealous so much as he's wary, it's hard to explain. Wary without attempting to launch any demands that I chose, which is lucky for him because I won't stand for that. He wouldn't do that, we already did that, with Cole, and it's not required of anyone else. Besides, PJ is one of the people I love most in this world. Absolutely and without hesitation, whatever he wants I will try to give it to him.
In any case, we're all six heading out to buy breakfast makings and it should be fun. Church will be short and then Canada Day gets underway officially, in spite of the threat of thunderclouds, both real and imaginary, as we figure out how to move on already.
It's July now, and that means something. It's been long enough, this bullshit of no knowing who stands where and who means what. My boys have to grow up now and get over themselves, just like I did. Or am attempting too, anyway.
Happy Canada Day, everyone!
