Jacob's secret to long life and how to gain fifteen pounds in a month flat? Because he's gaining weight along with me, which only makes him more of a wall of man?
He's got a raging addiction to them, which I just found out about after wondering how half a case disappeared in less than three days. I figured August was a serial snacker so I didn't say anything and then I caught Jacob red-handed. He swears they're vegan, and so that makes it okay. I think he just likes the blue packaging. When I look in my bag it's full of blue Dunkaroos and blue keys.
The day we attended our final counseling session with the marriage counselor we kept firing and rehiring, I saw a older man with super long brown hair and a long beard on a skateboard and he looked like Jesus to me. A stoplight savior, I guess he was.
I rolled down the window and stuck my hand out to give him one of those blue keys from the stopgap program we have here to help feed the homeless. Instead of cash we can buy keys to give that they can exchange for a meal or assorted services and Jacob does not like it. He would rather see the money expand the shelters and get people off the streets at night and into rehab programs during the day.
Skateboard man smiled at me with his faded brown eyes and one dirty tooth and said,
Bless you, my child.
I smiled at him. Jacob looked across me and smiled and blessed him right back but that man never took his eyes off me.
The skateboard man has become a ritual for me. He hasn't left the corner where I make my left when I leave downtown and so if he is a summer fixture then I will be a fixture for him. I've given him seventeen keys so far this year, the equivalent of taking him out to dinner each night on a shoestring budget so he can rest with a warm belly full of food. He looks past my easy smile for him and sees other things. Maybe he sees things I don't even know he sees, as if we are both on level of madness that is only discernible to others who suffer the same grief. Some days I want to ask him how he ended up here, why he doesn't have someone, but instead I give him his key and receive my blessing and move on when the traffic dictates that it's time to go.
He's my daily reminder that things could be worse, but they're not.
Jacob brought home ten more keys last night for him, and suggested we park and walk to him to see if he wants further options. But I don't think he's real. I don't think he'll be there if we try to approach on foot. I can't explain it to Jacob because he might think I've gone off it but I think the skateboard man is Jesus and he's appearing to me and focused on me because I'm the one who needs help. Sort of like God sent Jacob to me but maybe God is frustrated too with how long it takes me to react to things and how long it takes me to accept the signs, take the help, make the changes. I have triggered a monumental flood of sympathy and support from those around me willing to help save Bridget. The army, I suppose.
I must be meant for something great. I think I even know already what it is.
Love, silly. It's love. I just need to stop fighting it.