No, Henry isn't angry at Caleb. And Caleb isn't upset about Henry's mood yesterday. Henry sometimes feels possessive when he is spending time one on one with anyone, including mom, because as I have talked about before there are a lot of people here in the Collective and there can be very little privacy. So if you're hanging out in the kitchen at least eight people will be by at various times to see what's up, try and join in out of boredom or (most grievous of all) not realize you are actually occupied and invite you to do something else. Henry is always a popular person. He's adventurous, enthusiastic and welcoming. Affectionate. He holds his own, as I talked about yesterday.
So he and Caleb went out for breakfast, spend a long time talking and hashing out feelings, expectations and boundaries. Caleb was frank and honest with him, and Henry appreciated that, and Caleb appreciates where Henry was coming from, with regard to spending time with me without interruption and how sometimes it appears that Caleb thinks his original Collective blueprint gives him some sort of veto power over me.
It does not.
Henry didn't believe me, but he believes Caleb when Caleb says all he can do is ask, and that he does get lonely and he probably does pressure me and he's going to do a little soul-search to find his patience and his memory again, that it's easy for him to get off track. He loves me so much.
Apparently Henry told him it's not a competition and that he can see that I love each one for different reasons or sometimes Venn-diagramesque, overlapping reasons. Why can't Caleb see this?
Caleb admits his weaknesses, his failings, his mistakes. That's why we're all here. To do better, together.
I think Henry would have liked that but then the story goes that Henry laughed, finished his tea and pointed out this breakfast wasn't a job interview and the buzz-phrases and false assurances were exactly what he is talking about.
I would say the same thing to your mother, Caleb reminds him. We're all here to make it right and to stay together as friends.
My mother's lost her mind, he said and Caleb's heart apparently fell out and rolled across the table. We always think we can blindfold our kids in order to gloss over the hard parts only to find out they could see all along.
Henry Jacob. Caleb says it softly. She's doing the best she can and that's why there is a Collective at all.
That was the beginning and I can't share the middle or the end, but lets just say no one was seated near out of discretion by the host, and by the time they returned to the house it was almost noon and I was fretting but they apparently kept talking until it didn't hurt anymore and then went for a long walk before returning home. They brought flowers for me. They brought reassurances. Henry isn't planning to start lashing out but he does want to see a lot more help and a lot less of me being left to my own devices even as I am known for going off alone and it isn't anyone's fault. And he doesn't want Caleb to ever argue with me again or Caleb will have to answer to Henry for it.
It's almost as if I knew I would never be equal to them all in strength so I just went off and made someone who is.