Matt and I are the only ones brave enough to keep the owls company tonight.
What made you choose to be a part of this group?
Sam.
So then what are you running from, Matt?
Everyone's got their secrets, don't they? I suppose I want to get things right. I had a very long relationship once, Bridget. And I waited too long to make it into what it should have been. Marriage was a pipe dream in those days. Now it's an inevitability. My partner wanted it so badly and I ignored that while I finished school and started my career. I don't want to lose Sam the same way.
He's not the same man though.
No, but I am. Well, I sort of am.
But this time Sam is you and you are Sam. Does that feel strange?
I think I see what it is about you. There are no illusions. You force us to confront the deepest levels of who we are.
I don't do anything, Matt.
Indirectly yes. You bring out the men we are, instead of the one we think we are supposed to be, or are striving to be.
I'm sure that's supposed to be a compliment, but-
It is! It's authentic. No one wants a fake, a sham of a life. We should all work harder to live transparently. That's one of the things that drew me here. No facades, no games.
Oh, there are games.
I think those are not what you say they are, not games so much as unresolved issues. Caleb, I know of. Sam struggles to understand your relationship with him.
Sam had a front-row seat to Caleb and Jake's animosity for one another.
Why? Did they know each other before?
No. After Cole died I married Jacob and then Caleb came back and tried to pick up where we left off. Jacob wanted no part of that. Jake wasn't keen on a lot of the guys and our levels of contact.
But?
But he mostly tolerated them.
Because he loved you?
Because he tried to find the good in people. Even when there was none to be had. That's probably what destroyed him, when he realized there wasn't any good in me.
Is that what you think?
Matt, I try not to think too hard about the reasons. It serves no purpose now.
Sam told me there are letters you haven't read.
If I finish the story Jake becomes a memory. This way he stays fresh. If you don't finish the book you can leave it on your bedside table forever and it's a work in progress. That's the only thing that enables me to smile in any given day, knowing I don't have to end that story.
Is it healthy though?
I'm not sure I care at this point. I followed everyone's orders and now I only listen to myself. It seems just as effective.
You're smart, Bridget.
No, Matt. I'm tired and I'm scared and it's just better to stick close to my boys and be disfunctional. At least it's familiar. It's safe.
Can't beat that.
Amen.
