Twisting and turning
Your feelings are burning
You're breaking the girl
She meant you no harm
Think you're so clever
But now you must sever
You're breaking the girl
He loves no one else
Maybe if I talk about him for the last fucking time, he'll move on. Writing it down now I can see it so much more clearly than before. Wishful thinking for a long rainy day. I'm really really tired, Ben. And you need to stop now. Please just leave me alone.
I wish I knew how to quit you.
Ben said that to me once, when he was one beer past fine. I remember Cole laughing and pulling me roughly into his lap while he took another sip of his rum, telling me I was a lucky girl to have so many admirers, that I was beautiful and he was proud of me. Jacob had left an hour earlier, uncomfortable with the general conversation as it was and the fact that Cole was sticking uncharacteristically close to me, when I was accustomed to him ignoring me completely except to grab me now and then when we'd pass each other. He usually left me to hang out with Jake. And later that night after the rest of our friends had left, Cole and Ben cornered me.
Did I want to have a threesome?
I almost bolted. I said with very wide eyes and shaking legs that I wanted to think about it, saying I was tired and maybe it wasn't such a good time. I'm happy it was a night when I had opted to stick to pineapple juice because had I not had my wits about me I might have slept with Ben. I was so scared they might make me do it anyways. I tried to play it cool and it worked and for some reason Ben saw how scared I was and he played along. He told Cole he wasn't sure it was the right night for that much fun.
I was just plain stunned that Cole even went there in the first place, with Ben. He usually only threatened to give me to Jacob or his own brother, Caleb. Sometimes I wasn't sure if he really understood the degree of my attraction to Jake or if he thought I was going to simply become everyone's barbie doll. I guess it depended on how drunk he was, because when he was sober he'd only talk of opening our marriage for Jake.
These are all things Jacob found out about this summer. We've talked a lot. Jacob has said if he has to keep this up he'll kill Ben and that scares him half to death. He would never have let Ben within eyesight of me had he been aware of all that history. Unspoken history indeed.
And Ben still isn't paying attention to the message.
He showed up uninvited last evening after dinner. Jake was out picking up some groceries and Ben must have seen him leave since the doorbell rang seconds after I watched the truck pull out of the driveway. I opened the door and went out on to the porch but I didn't unlock the screen door. Ben pulled at the handle and realized right away that I wasn't having any of it.
Bridge, what's this? Can you just let me in so we can talk?
No, Ben. Jake doesn't want you here anymore and I don't either. Just leave, please.
Jake's not home, princess.
Don't you fucking call me that.
I want to know what you want, not what Jake has told you to do.
I want you to leave because you're scaring me.
I wouldn't hurt you, Bridget.
Like you didn't hurt me when you crawled into my bed? It's sexual assault, Ben. People go to jail for that. And in case you've really lost your fucking mind, Cole said he'd never hurt me too. I stopped believing everyone a while ago, you're too late.
I was drunk. I'm sorry.
No excuses, Ben.
You're right. I'm sorry. You're so hard to resist.
Maybe you should try harder then. You don't grab every girl who catches your eye, Ben.
I can't...you're..you're just not any girl.
Just go away.
I really wish you'd forgive me.
You crossed the line for the second time and I can't forgive you anymore. I'm afraid of what would happen next.
What? You think I'd rape you?
Well, I can't trust you, Ben, and I can't protect myself. So I'm doing what I have to do. And if you don't go away I will get a restraining order against you.
Don't worry, your husband has made it clear.
What did he say?
That he would kill me and make sure no one ever finds my bones.
Then you should listen to him.
We used to be friends, Bridget.
I used to think you were kidding about wanting me, Ben.
I never kidded about that. And label me surprised, I didn't think you'd pick preacher boy over me.
Pick him? I didn't realize you had entered a popularity contest, Ben. I wanted Jake from the moment I met him and nothing about that ever changed until I left Cole. You knew what was going on as well as anyone else, maybe more. You weren't in the running. Why can't you see that?
Can you..can you tell me if you never met Jake would you have gone with me?
No, Ben. I wouldn't have. You've really got to move on.
Yeah, okay princess. I get it. My mistake.
That's a hell of a misunderstanding. What were you thinking?
Cole had said some things. Just..nevermind. Good luck, Bridge. With Jake, with the baby, and everything. I won't bother you anymore.
Just keep this promise, Ben, I've been through enough. Just let me be happy.
That's all I ever wanted for you, baby.
Then it's time to go.
Yes, it is.
Find a girl and fall in love, Ben.
I did. It just didn't work out quite the way I thought it would.
Goodbye, Ben.
Bye, Bridge.
I just left him there and I went back inside. From the living room window I watched him get in his car and drive away. I wasn't afraid, because I almost feel sorry for him. When Jacob came home he almost boiled over because he couldn't believe Ben had the balls to appear on our doorstep now. And he doesn't believe any promise Ben makes to me.
Somehow, I think Ben will keep this one.
