I found a place where the past was forgivenWhere my mistakes met a grace I couldn't earn
And so I piled up my excuses and defenses in the night
Then I lit a match, stepped back and watched them burn
The dog has eaten his body weight in waffles, one of the cats has a disease that means pills every day forever, and Ruth is packing up. All of the boys range between get your friends to help you move and you sure you want to do this?
(We're all helping, for the record.)
Ruth takes no shit from any of them. She never has. She holds her own in a way that I could never. She is strong and hilarious and forthright. She's like Lochlan and he is crushed that she suddenly grew up, got a degree, a career, a fiance and a condo all in the same season. We are imploding from the suddenness but also from the pride of watching her go do all the things she said she would.
The sky is an ashtray. The ghosts are lurking, with the wasps (found another nest, did not find it by accident this time) in the back garden, behind and up the hill past the stables and the sun needs to take a break just for a bit as we made it to a 'feels like' temperature of forty-four, which made me want to cry but mercifully at ten o'clock last night it was cool enough to sleep and it's not supposed to be quite that hot today and way less hot tomorrow which is really good.
And Ruth's room is going to be kept, earmarked for her in case she needs it, but also fashioned into an upstairs den/reading room/art room that's in the house as the stables-studio is cold and full of spiders. Hahaha.
I know, I said ghosts and everyone stopped there anyway in the reading. I get that.
He's there. He's back. I can never make him go for long. Probably as alarmed about my 'alone' post as everyone else. Not what they wanted for me. Not what they pictured. But it's fine. It was a part of an old memory manifested into something positive with no backstory. Like being dropped into a short story that spends far too long on the details, by design.
Moving on, things to look forward to:
Spreading out things in the house. Ruth stole a lot of dishes, mugs, masks, pillows, cutlery, artwork, etc and now I have unexpected and appreciated cupboard and closet space.
I will be able to repaint that one dark feature wall I hate because boxes will be gone.
August is half-over so eventually this stupid heat will stop for a bit. Godammit. I hate it.
Dark cozy rainy days.
A new Switchfoot album a week from today! Yesssssssssss. Also I'm pretty sure that their cover of Livin' On A Prayer is the greatest thing ever. I just need Bon Jovi to cover Switchfoot's The Setting Sun and things will have circled right back around perfectly.
A future trip planned to get away for a day and eat in a favourite restaurant far from here but close enough for a long drive.
A shop at the Korean grocer out in the valley with the really good dumpling soup kits.
Finishing Sweet Tooth and Outer Banks on Netflix.
Finishing my painting for this season. I do one a season now.
Getting the cast off eventually but probably not before anything else.
Life trucking along. Marvelling at the passage of time and how it intersects with me and how I leave my mark. Did I leave a mark though?
Oh, probably, says Loch.