Your drinking-
No, I'm not. Okay, well right now I'm not. (Last night I found another bottle of wine and watched Rocketman alone, at the top of my lungs. And cried. And laughed. And swore whenever they approached to tell me to go to bed.)
I mean, we need to discuss the drinking.
What about it?
I think it's probably contributing to your anxiety right now.
I think it's the only think helping me right now, personally. Better to be drunk most of the time and not give a shit then be on edge twenty-six hours a day.
What are you on edge about, Bridget? Sam looks so kind. Fuck Marry Kill? All of the above, please. I always have a hard-on for kind people who sit and listen while I spool into a frenzy.
What am I NOT on edge about? Everything, Sam. You know this.
How do we fix this? How can we make things easier?
Let me get drunk. Perfect girl. Problem solved.
I drank to deal with my problems once too, Bridget. Don't be flip.
There's a reason all us deep-feelers are raging alcholics, you know. Deep people feel things more strongly. It's harder to keep out the bad. It all just pours in through the cracks and we get overwhelmed. I wish I could stop but it's better this way.
There are ways to stop. I stopped.
I just need a new hobby, like you all. Maybe like fucking my landlady!
Bridget-
Sam, saying 'stop worrying' doesn't work. This isn't normal, this is fear. Tied to everything going wrong.
I know your diagnoses, Bridge. This is worse than usual.
I have a 'usual'?
Yes. This is at least fifty percent more.
Ah. The value-pack Bridget.
He laughs. My Lord. At least you can laugh.
Only on the outside.
What can I do to help?
Just pick up any pieces you find after I implode and put them up on a shelf for safekeeping.
Bridget. We worked so hard on mechanisms and behavioural shifts-
She isn't interested in being comforted or pacified.
She is you. Stop it.
Right. She's ten years old and has no power and is scared and sometimes I can't help her!
But you can. You just won't.
I can't believe you all sit there so high and mighty telling me not to do the one thing you all did to cope as if there's some magical thought process that I can go through to feel better when none of you could do it.
We all do it now. We all did the work. I would save you the pain of having to hit bottom before you do the work.
Exactly how high up am I then?
Not bottom.
You don't think?
No, I don't.
Okay, that's a good start.
Tell her it's going to be okay.
I'm the only person that doesn't lie to her, Sam, and I'm not about to change that now.
No, I'm not. Okay, well right now I'm not. (Last night I found another bottle of wine and watched Rocketman alone, at the top of my lungs. And cried. And laughed. And swore whenever they approached to tell me to go to bed.)
I mean, we need to discuss the drinking.
What about it?
I think it's probably contributing to your anxiety right now.
I think it's the only think helping me right now, personally. Better to be drunk most of the time and not give a shit then be on edge twenty-six hours a day.
What are you on edge about, Bridget? Sam looks so kind. Fuck Marry Kill? All of the above, please. I always have a hard-on for kind people who sit and listen while I spool into a frenzy.
What am I NOT on edge about? Everything, Sam. You know this.
How do we fix this? How can we make things easier?
Let me get drunk. Perfect girl. Problem solved.
I drank to deal with my problems once too, Bridget. Don't be flip.
There's a reason all us deep-feelers are raging alcholics, you know. Deep people feel things more strongly. It's harder to keep out the bad. It all just pours in through the cracks and we get overwhelmed. I wish I could stop but it's better this way.
There are ways to stop. I stopped.
I just need a new hobby, like you all. Maybe like fucking my landlady!
Bridget-
Sam, saying 'stop worrying' doesn't work. This isn't normal, this is fear. Tied to everything going wrong.
I know your diagnoses, Bridge. This is worse than usual.
I have a 'usual'?
Yes. This is at least fifty percent more.
Ah. The value-pack Bridget.
He laughs. My Lord. At least you can laugh.
Only on the outside.
What can I do to help?
Just pick up any pieces you find after I implode and put them up on a shelf for safekeeping.
Bridget. We worked so hard on mechanisms and behavioural shifts-
She isn't interested in being comforted or pacified.
She is you. Stop it.
Right. She's ten years old and has no power and is scared and sometimes I can't help her!
But you can. You just won't.
I can't believe you all sit there so high and mighty telling me not to do the one thing you all did to cope as if there's some magical thought process that I can go through to feel better when none of you could do it.
We all do it now. We all did the work. I would save you the pain of having to hit bottom before you do the work.
Exactly how high up am I then?
Not bottom.
You don't think?
No, I don't.
Okay, that's a good start.
Tell her it's going to be okay.
I'm the only person that doesn't lie to her, Sam, and I'm not about to change that now.