Caleb had my car collected and taken home and was there when I came outside, keys in hand, wondering who STOLE MY FUCKING CAR. No one had, he said, having sent one of the boys who listened, God knows why, and left me captive with my monster the whole way home. I put on Starset in the car, the new acoustic recording of Ricochet, and proceeded to sing along with my newly scratchy lower-mainland-forest-fire-air-quality voice, which is hella interesting to me, thinking he might listen to the words for once but instead he turned it off.
And I kept singing.
Neamhchiontach.
What? (Interrobang. Put it here.)
Are you warm?
What gave you that idea? I'm slippery like a fish, pouring sweat. Soaked through my dress. Wet hair. Completely unintentional smokey eyes. Smeared red lipstick. Hot? Yeah, no. Not me. Not right now.
I was hoping we could go somewhere for an early dinner.
Sure. Pick something. And I give him my crazy smile.
Maybe another night. His silence allows me to turn the radio back on and I resume my singing. I have no shame.
When we get home I get out of the car, shouldering my bag, staring at him through the simmering waves of heat rising off the top of the car. I note my Porsche neatly parked under the tree by the garage. Good. At least one thing is how I like it today and fuck my legs hurt but I give Caleb my brave smile.
Why did you come pick me up?
So I could talk with you.
But you didn't.
It didn't seem like the right time.
For what?
Another day, Neamhchiontach. For now it was just nice to treat you to a drive home. One less thing for you to do.
I know what it is.
Pardon me?
You're still here, Diabhal. Still an alpha. Still my boyfriend, if that's what you want to be. Sam isn't taking anyone's place. He doesn't come before you.
He smiles, suddenly looking like that handsome teenage boy who used to offer to drive me home from the beach. Bridget, you've just extended a generous peace of mind to me when I don't deserve it.
I know.
Thank you nonetheless.
I would want to know where I stood as well.
What do you mean?
If you had..others-
I don't.
What about Sophie?
There is only you, Bridget.
No wonder you're lonely.
Yes, well. I made my bed, as it were. I can't even say it's hyperbole but this is what I ended up with by trying to have everything I wanted.
I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted here.
Be flattered. I only ever wanted you. Now the time I do get is short and measured, tempered with supervision and suspicion and fear. I didn't want to be a monster but my need for you made me into one.
Sorry. It's a whisper. He could say here that it's not my fault but it is just because I'm alive. Anyone could protest that I didn't ask for this but I did.
I'm sorry too, Neamhchiontach. Life could have been so different.
And I kept singing.
They won't know my heart
It's the darkest parrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt
Neamhchiontach.
What? (Interrobang. Put it here.)
Are you warm?
What gave you that idea? I'm slippery like a fish, pouring sweat. Soaked through my dress. Wet hair. Completely unintentional smokey eyes. Smeared red lipstick. Hot? Yeah, no. Not me. Not right now.
I was hoping we could go somewhere for an early dinner.
Sure. Pick something. And I give him my crazy smile.
Maybe another night. His silence allows me to turn the radio back on and I resume my singing. I have no shame.
When we get home I get out of the car, shouldering my bag, staring at him through the simmering waves of heat rising off the top of the car. I note my Porsche neatly parked under the tree by the garage. Good. At least one thing is how I like it today and fuck my legs hurt but I give Caleb my brave smile.
Why did you come pick me up?
So I could talk with you.
But you didn't.
It didn't seem like the right time.
For what?
Another day, Neamhchiontach. For now it was just nice to treat you to a drive home. One less thing for you to do.
I know what it is.
Pardon me?
You're still here, Diabhal. Still an alpha. Still my boyfriend, if that's what you want to be. Sam isn't taking anyone's place. He doesn't come before you.
He smiles, suddenly looking like that handsome teenage boy who used to offer to drive me home from the beach. Bridget, you've just extended a generous peace of mind to me when I don't deserve it.
I know.
Thank you nonetheless.
I would want to know where I stood as well.
What do you mean?
If you had..others-
I don't.
What about Sophie?
There is only you, Bridget.
No wonder you're lonely.
Yes, well. I made my bed, as it were. I can't even say it's hyperbole but this is what I ended up with by trying to have everything I wanted.
I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted here.
Be flattered. I only ever wanted you. Now the time I do get is short and measured, tempered with supervision and suspicion and fear. I didn't want to be a monster but my need for you made me into one.
Sorry. It's a whisper. He could say here that it's not my fault but it is just because I'm alive. Anyone could protest that I didn't ask for this but I did.
I'm sorry too, Neamhchiontach. Life could have been so different.