Sometimes you know something in your head and it takes someone to say it out loud for it to hit home. I was startled by a conversation between the boys the other night. Oh no, no, not those boys. This was Jake and Ben and PJ and Robin (male) and Loch and Chris (passing through from back home on their way to BC) sitting out on the deck having a beer on the weekend. I was inside, upstairs in bed coming off the vicodin magic carpet ride and watching Only Angels Have Wings-a favorite movie with the best quote ever:
You'd better shut the door! Bonnie's equilibrium is on the loose!
Turner Movie Classics as a channel is like Christmas every day for me, you know.
I thought I heard my name outside. Since my bedroom window is directly over the patio. I muted the movie for a moment. 6 guys having guytalk? I should have tuned in sooner. It was a gift, had it been daytime I would never have been able to hear it with the kids and the birds and traffic.
Bridge has no idea.
The magical powers of the widget strikes again.
She's not responsible.
She wasn't responsible for you either. She doesn't know how to work it.
I don't think she can turn it off.
Yeah, but it's not effective on everyone. Some of us are immune.
Thank God for that. She'd have a harem in reverse.
Look around. She does.
(laughter)
Like an unescapable blend of fragility and determination. Like when you can't look away as you watch an old man in a wheelchair make his way uphill.
Or you look at it as a put-on and refuse to be captivated. Come on.
No, I've been on that side, remember? Harder than it looks.
Is that why you stuck it out so long?
I can't explain it. I love her. I always did. I would have been here 30 years from now.
What if she had never left him?
Then I'd be where he is now, I guess.
You wouldn't..
No not that. But I see it now for what it is. Don't you?
Yeah man.
Yeah.
which part?
Cole had her. He had everything. All of her and now it's gone. She's with Jake now. Cole can never have her again-now it's killing him because he knows she's giving herself to his best friend.
I'd kill myself too. Losing Bridge? Ouch. She's so cute, man.
It's the power of the widget, didn't I say it? Cole said she had it in high school and had no idea.
I would harness that power and use it only for evil.
Give it up man. (more laughter)
Watch your back Jake (loud laughter)
Naw going to have to change her nickname to the black widow at this rate.
Sorry man.
She can't help it.
That's the scary part dude. The scary spell she has. We're all under it you know.
I'm not. Heather won't allow it. She hates the widget powers. She said it's something to feel sorry for.
She says that out of jealousy.
Keira says that too.
No, think about it. You snap your fingers and 6 guys come pick up your car, like a mentos commercial. How many girls you know can do that in real life? Or drive two men to the brink of ruin almost simultaneously?
One.
She isn't responsible.
One.
One.
Bridge. But I'm not ruined. Thanks a lot.
One, yup.
That was all I could hear. The laughing made it hard. My head spinning didn't help.
Widget is a combination of witch and Bridget put together, a nickname very few people use to my face, it's more a verb to describe whatever I do to the men in my life. What an odd magical power to be gifted with. I'm not amused, I wanted mind-reading, remember?
They moved on, thankfully to talk about soccer and BBQ smokers and more guy stuff and the neighbors put their sprinkler on. I heard what I was meant to hear, I guess.
Later on, I asked Jake if he believed in the widget powers. I rolled my eyes when I asked.
He laughed, surprised that I overheard, but he didn't answer the question.
I reminded him of times when I didn't turn it on. I pointed out the drunken episode, and a few other times when I made no attempt to be anything more than a walking disaster.
That's why it's magic, Bridget-there is no off switch. And that's why none of this is your fault. Do you see now?
I almost think I do. And hey, it could have been worse, for the nickname that meshes Bridget with witch could have been rigid, or even bitch. That would have stung.
***
Better
It's Monday. I am happily detoxified. I have no more pills in my house because I took them back to the pharmacy for disposal. Jacob is home today writing and working. I am not writing because I'm tired. I'm so tired I can barely string two sentences together so I'm not. I did NOT fall asleep in church yesterday. Okay so I nodded once. I'm mortified.
So much to write.
Did you know that I have magical powers? I didn't either but I'll tell you about that later.
