I still woke up every hour on the hour, or so it seemed but every time I did, Caleb had his arm locked around my shoulder, holding me close against his chest, his chin against the top of my head. I would jolt, he would tighten his hold and eventually my heartbeat would slow to match him once again and I would drift off in the quiet dark.
When I got up this morning I still lamented the lack of meaningful sleep but he noted rest counts, at least for my body if not my mind, and that today will be better and I'll probably sleep tonight. Then he took the spoils of daybreak and I was left wanting nothing as I stepped out of his room and made my way back to my own rooms to start my day.
A hot shower, a different choice of perfume, my cross back around my neck from where it was in a little dish on the shelf and I let my hair dry by itself so it will go wavy and crazy instead of straight today. Straight feels heavy. I don't like the way anything feels. My skin is so sensitive you can breathe on it from two provinces away and I'll get hives or a rash. It's dumb but that's life.
(It's not the perfume, I promise. I put one drop of that in my bellybutton and one drop behind each knee. Otherwise I...get hives and rashes.)
Lochlan is downstairs reading. Home today. Tired, more than a little. Drinking his second cup of coffee of the day, which he hands over to me like it's ransom paid to achieve morning.
You okay, Peanut?
Restless night. I keep waking up.
We'll fix it tonight. But you good?
I'm fine. Better than usual, even.
Satisfied I won't turn sideways revealing massive bite marks where my intact profile once was he goes back to reading. I give him back his coffee and make my own.
Is it time to decorate for Christmas? He says it out of the blue.
Oooh! Can we turn the lights on tonight?
He nods. They've been up all year anyway, no point in taking them down but every night when it gets dark my hand hovers over the switch and so so badly do I want to fire them up but I don't.
YES.
Then will you sleep, Neamhchiontach?
The nickname startles me slightly but I don't react so that he notices. I hope so.
I think you will. The lights are like a comfort to you.
Then why don't we leave them on all year around?
Then it wouldn't be special.
When I got up this morning I still lamented the lack of meaningful sleep but he noted rest counts, at least for my body if not my mind, and that today will be better and I'll probably sleep tonight. Then he took the spoils of daybreak and I was left wanting nothing as I stepped out of his room and made my way back to my own rooms to start my day.
A hot shower, a different choice of perfume, my cross back around my neck from where it was in a little dish on the shelf and I let my hair dry by itself so it will go wavy and crazy instead of straight today. Straight feels heavy. I don't like the way anything feels. My skin is so sensitive you can breathe on it from two provinces away and I'll get hives or a rash. It's dumb but that's life.
(It's not the perfume, I promise. I put one drop of that in my bellybutton and one drop behind each knee. Otherwise I...get hives and rashes.)
Lochlan is downstairs reading. Home today. Tired, more than a little. Drinking his second cup of coffee of the day, which he hands over to me like it's ransom paid to achieve morning.
You okay, Peanut?
Restless night. I keep waking up.
We'll fix it tonight. But you good?
I'm fine. Better than usual, even.
Satisfied I won't turn sideways revealing massive bite marks where my intact profile once was he goes back to reading. I give him back his coffee and make my own.
Is it time to decorate for Christmas? He says it out of the blue.
Oooh! Can we turn the lights on tonight?
He nods. They've been up all year anyway, no point in taking them down but every night when it gets dark my hand hovers over the switch and so so badly do I want to fire them up but I don't.
YES.
Then will you sleep, Neamhchiontach?
The nickname startles me slightly but I don't react so that he notices. I hope so.
I think you will. The lights are like a comfort to you.
Then why don't we leave them on all year around?
Then it wouldn't be special.