Sam likes a seven-ten wake up on Saturdays and since I'm usually the only one up I tend to knock softly on his door on Saturday mornings, wait for a muffled, unintelligible reply, let myself in and crawl up to the top of his bed where I unearth Sam from a mountain of blankets, going by the soft waves of his hair, usually the only part of him sticking out. I don't know how he breathes but he's always happy to see me, happy for a brief hug and anxious to hear how I slept, how I feel, what I'm thinking, asking me if I need him.
He's always working. Always getting a barometer, ministering constantly. It's his default. He's chosen the right career path, that's for certain He doesn't have many hats, he has one.
But this morning as I came out of the bathroom to find clothes and jewelry after my shower, Lochlan is awake. Sitting up in bed, the light on the bedside table making the room soft and yellow, bathed in warmth.
Sam doesn't need a wakeup this morning.
Oh, did you talk to him?
No, Matt's car was in the drive when I came up.
Oh, well, he probably stopped by for their chat and then he left-
Check it before you go down.
Fine. I turn and walk out on the balcony. It's minus three this morning and I am still naked. My skin turns to frosted glass and I hear Lochlan swear and crawl out of bed. Bridget, what the fuck-
But he's right. Matt's car is parked in the driveway. Would have missed it up in the guest spots on the other side of the stables but I knew where to check.
Bridget, Sam is lonely, that's why he skews harsh-
I'm doing my best!
It isn't your job, Neamhchiontach. You're not responsible for this. If Sam wants to entertain Matt every Christmas without strings you don't have a say in it.
Every time Matt leaves Sam's heart has a harder time healing itself, Lochlan.
But it's still better than being functionally alone.
Is it?
I would chose it. I have chosen it before, if you remember.
I stare at him in the light. He did. He spent years taking whatever he could get and it was enough, or so I thought but if it's less hard than being alone who am I to fight for misery when temporary joy will do.
Lochlan smooths my bangs out of my eyes as I nod. You get it. I know you get it.
I stare at him. We really did fuck ourselves over for those permanent connections, holding them so precious when everything else seemed so fleeting, so violently brief.
But why can't he just stay? It's a whisper in the morning darkness.
Some people are birds-
Jacob was a bird, I blurt out, interrupting Lochlan, who at this point remains the most patient man in the universe.
He was a bird, Lochlan nods thoughtfully. But who knows? Maybe Matt will stay on after Christmas. Christmas is about believing in magic, after all. Maybe if we wish hard enough for Sam, it will happen.
You're getting my hopes up, Locket.
I'm getting my own up too, he reminds me with a laugh. It would be better for me if he did.
He's always working. Always getting a barometer, ministering constantly. It's his default. He's chosen the right career path, that's for certain He doesn't have many hats, he has one.
But this morning as I came out of the bathroom to find clothes and jewelry after my shower, Lochlan is awake. Sitting up in bed, the light on the bedside table making the room soft and yellow, bathed in warmth.
Sam doesn't need a wakeup this morning.
Oh, did you talk to him?
No, Matt's car was in the drive when I came up.
Oh, well, he probably stopped by for their chat and then he left-
Check it before you go down.
Fine. I turn and walk out on the balcony. It's minus three this morning and I am still naked. My skin turns to frosted glass and I hear Lochlan swear and crawl out of bed. Bridget, what the fuck-
But he's right. Matt's car is parked in the driveway. Would have missed it up in the guest spots on the other side of the stables but I knew where to check.
Bridget, Sam is lonely, that's why he skews harsh-
I'm doing my best!
It isn't your job, Neamhchiontach. You're not responsible for this. If Sam wants to entertain Matt every Christmas without strings you don't have a say in it.
Every time Matt leaves Sam's heart has a harder time healing itself, Lochlan.
But it's still better than being functionally alone.
Is it?
I would chose it. I have chosen it before, if you remember.
I stare at him in the light. He did. He spent years taking whatever he could get and it was enough, or so I thought but if it's less hard than being alone who am I to fight for misery when temporary joy will do.
Lochlan smooths my bangs out of my eyes as I nod. You get it. I know you get it.
I stare at him. We really did fuck ourselves over for those permanent connections, holding them so precious when everything else seemed so fleeting, so violently brief.
But why can't he just stay? It's a whisper in the morning darkness.
Some people are birds-
Jacob was a bird, I blurt out, interrupting Lochlan, who at this point remains the most patient man in the universe.
He was a bird, Lochlan nods thoughtfully. But who knows? Maybe Matt will stay on after Christmas. Christmas is about believing in magic, after all. Maybe if we wish hard enough for Sam, it will happen.
You're getting my hopes up, Locket.
I'm getting my own up too, he reminds me with a laugh. It would be better for me if he did.