That's a timeline I've given myself. Three weeks. To accept that things will be a lot busy and a little crazy and just to give myself space to take deep breaths and finally learn that it's definitely okay to suggest everyone find a bagel or cereal or take my damn designated night already if they are hungry for a meal that I'm supposed to cook and haven't yet. To learn that it's still okay to call in sick if I have to because things are too busy or too fragile or I'm too tired. To learn that sleeping pills are okay once or twice a month if I must. That things will get done and if they don't, odds are I'm the only one who's going to notice. To confirm that I don't care who wins the Stanley Cup once the Leafs are out of the running and that it's okay to be a particular team fan if not a full-on hockey fan these days. To look forward to the huge list of horror movies I plan to watch this summer because I'm so far behind.
To not care about basketball but desperately want to have some We The North merchandise because I am a proud Canadian, after all. Yes, even if I don't watch basketball. Right now my casual clothes are all band t-shirts and hoodies and plain black leggings. It's so boring but also funny because I can go to the grocery store in my best Goatwhore shirt and be surrounded by people in high-cost athleisure wear judging me up the wazoo and you know what?
I don't care. And that's okay. I don't have to learn that lesson though. I already did.
I need to care less and self-care more. I know this. We said goodbye to our guests this morning. Two night visits are the best. Just enough time to catch up and get ahead without feeling as if your space is shrinking. We need to go grocery shopping again but PJ, Ben and Henry are going to look after it.
I learned to let them, even though they just buy chocolate everything. Sometimes that's okay too.
But in three weeks my insular world should open up a little more with the promise of a slightly less intense pressure. The grip that life has on me will lessen slightly and I'm going to learn to be a little bit selfish. Everyone should be once in a while if it means self-preservation and regaining the ability to push through the tougher parts of life.
I'm so slow with the lessons though. Takes me forever.
To not care about basketball but desperately want to have some We The North merchandise because I am a proud Canadian, after all. Yes, even if I don't watch basketball. Right now my casual clothes are all band t-shirts and hoodies and plain black leggings. It's so boring but also funny because I can go to the grocery store in my best Goatwhore shirt and be surrounded by people in high-cost athleisure wear judging me up the wazoo and you know what?
I don't care. And that's okay. I don't have to learn that lesson though. I already did.
I need to care less and self-care more. I know this. We said goodbye to our guests this morning. Two night visits are the best. Just enough time to catch up and get ahead without feeling as if your space is shrinking. We need to go grocery shopping again but PJ, Ben and Henry are going to look after it.
I learned to let them, even though they just buy chocolate everything. Sometimes that's okay too.
But in three weeks my insular world should open up a little more with the promise of a slightly less intense pressure. The grip that life has on me will lessen slightly and I'm going to learn to be a little bit selfish. Everyone should be once in a while if it means self-preservation and regaining the ability to push through the tougher parts of life.
I'm so slow with the lessons though. Takes me forever.