And in between the moon and youHe pushes his thumb against the cross in the hollow of my throat, whispering a prayer followed by an oath. Darkness in the darkness. Save our souls, indeed. My soul is contagious, poisonous, and his is too naive to notice.
The angels get a better view
Of the crumbling difference between wrong and right.
I walk in the air, between the rain,
Through myself and back again
Bridget-
Don't talk. I slide his jacket off his shoulders, fighting with his tie next. He takes over, pulling it off easily, unbuttoning his shirt before beginning to work on sliding my sweater from my shoulders, followed by my dress. I'm down to my slip and it's cold. It's so cold and yet my skin is flushed warm, pink and electric, static when he touches it directly.
He bends his head down for a brief kiss and halfway into it, I check out. It's so sudden, I catch my breath and he does too.
I shake my head, just enough and he lets out a deep breath that he's been holding. Instead he turns, picks up his shirt and wraps me in it. Maybe we should talk.
The tears drown me so fast I never even see it coming and I can't get the words to float.
Did something happen you haven't told me?
I shake my head, fighting for air. It was a sudden crushing fear and I hate this. I hate this feeling. I hate myself. I can't even breathe and he wants to minister me, naked and raw. God bless Sam, he's so goddamned adaptable it hurts. He never stops working, even when he should be doing everything BUT working. If only Jake had-
(No.)
(Don't.)
This is it, isn't it?
What is? I'm not going anywhere. I'm here anytime you need-
No, I mean my life. This is it. Trying to find what's going to make it hurt the least, trying to figure it out.
Yes.
What? I look up at him with my tear-stained red face, quivering lip, runny nose, wild bedhead. So beautiful indeed. Wanted. Why on earth is it me?
This is it. This is your life. You're one of God's children and we get one chance to live a life, one time around to figure it out and make it hurt as little as possible so that we can thrive.
This isn't what I wanted, Sam. This isn't the way it was supposed to be.
I know, honey. But this is the way it is and we're going to help bring you through it.
Like this?
Whatever way it works. And what will work right now is for you to go home.
I am home, Sam-
Lochlan is home now, Bridget. You tell me this all the time and then you run from him like you're on fire.
I choke on a laugh. I usually am-
Go to him, Bridget. I'll find you in the morning and we can talk. It's a better plan than this one, for both of us.
I know.
Goodnight, beautiful.
Don't say that. It's a lie.