(I'll write about him if I want to write about him.)
Daniel and I split a bottle of wine while Schuyler and Benjamin made pizza for us and then after a few spontaneous carols Ben said we were heading out. That surprised me as I brought my pajamas with me and my phone charger but I didn't protest. He said we were going to take a walk so I could sober up. We hugged the boys and left them with most of the pizza for leftovers (a total surprise since Ben is a bottomless pit) and off we went, hand and hand into the night, heading out their front door and up the road, the long way around in the fog.
He put my hand in his pocket with his hand still around mine for warmth. He walked slow, so I could keep up. I was warm, flush with the glow of too much Shiraz and not enough food but this wasn't a dinner about food, it was about company and it was nice to have a normal dinner party and it was nice to leave it on a good note.
I don't get to see you so much these days.
You don't surface much.
Sorry, Bee. Big projects. That's why Loch-
He's not even home.
I know. I took a break so you wouldn't be alone.
I'm glad. I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back.
Lochlan's back tomorrow?
Yeah. Hopefully. Unless there are problems.
Naw, he'll be back.
Yeah.
That's why I didn't let you stay next door. I wanted you to myself for a night.
All you have to do is as-
I can't ask Lochlan to give up more than he has, Bee.
Ben, you don't have to-
It's tough. You know? I gave you back and I wasn't ready.
I'm right here.
Stick around okay?
I'm not going anywhere, Ben.
We don't talk to each other enough. We don't tell each other I miss you. We should.
I woke up this morning half-crushed by his arms holding me against him. His skin wasn't cool as usual. Instead it was broiling. He didn't sleep like a vampire, he slept like a Jacob, he didn't disappear in the night or in the morning and it was like the first days when we were trying to sort out being together when I thought it was forever and he thought he was a bookmark. I still refuse to see it like that because every time he's around we fall a little deeper, we find our way back.
Don't disappear when he comes home. My plea is sleepy but clear in the dawn. Don't leave again.
I won't, Bumblebee. I'll be here.
I mean all the time.
When am I supposed to work then?
You were supposed to stop.
I didn't stop, did I?
No, you didn't. Instead you vanished into thin air, which is a pretty incredible feat considering how big you are.
And you're still drunk. How do you remember these conversations so well?
I have to concentrate so hard so I can hear you so they just stick in my brain like toffee.
Sounds delicious.
No, it's very noisy and I don't like it but it's the way I am.
Daniel and I split a bottle of wine while Schuyler and Benjamin made pizza for us and then after a few spontaneous carols Ben said we were heading out. That surprised me as I brought my pajamas with me and my phone charger but I didn't protest. He said we were going to take a walk so I could sober up. We hugged the boys and left them with most of the pizza for leftovers (a total surprise since Ben is a bottomless pit) and off we went, hand and hand into the night, heading out their front door and up the road, the long way around in the fog.
He put my hand in his pocket with his hand still around mine for warmth. He walked slow, so I could keep up. I was warm, flush with the glow of too much Shiraz and not enough food but this wasn't a dinner about food, it was about company and it was nice to have a normal dinner party and it was nice to leave it on a good note.
I don't get to see you so much these days.
You don't surface much.
Sorry, Bee. Big projects. That's why Loch-
He's not even home.
I know. I took a break so you wouldn't be alone.
I'm glad. I squeeze his hand and he squeezes back.
Lochlan's back tomorrow?
Yeah. Hopefully. Unless there are problems.
Naw, he'll be back.
Yeah.
That's why I didn't let you stay next door. I wanted you to myself for a night.
All you have to do is as-
I can't ask Lochlan to give up more than he has, Bee.
Ben, you don't have to-
It's tough. You know? I gave you back and I wasn't ready.
I'm right here.
Stick around okay?
I'm not going anywhere, Ben.
We don't talk to each other enough. We don't tell each other I miss you. We should.
I woke up this morning half-crushed by his arms holding me against him. His skin wasn't cool as usual. Instead it was broiling. He didn't sleep like a vampire, he slept like a Jacob, he didn't disappear in the night or in the morning and it was like the first days when we were trying to sort out being together when I thought it was forever and he thought he was a bookmark. I still refuse to see it like that because every time he's around we fall a little deeper, we find our way back.
Don't disappear when he comes home. My plea is sleepy but clear in the dawn. Don't leave again.
I won't, Bumblebee. I'll be here.
I mean all the time.
When am I supposed to work then?
You were supposed to stop.
I didn't stop, did I?
No, you didn't. Instead you vanished into thin air, which is a pretty incredible feat considering how big you are.
And you're still drunk. How do you remember these conversations so well?
I have to concentrate so hard so I can hear you so they just stick in my brain like toffee.
Sounds delicious.
No, it's very noisy and I don't like it but it's the way I am.