Again.
He set up a Tinder profile and unhesitatingly selected female responses only. Then he sat down to wait, as if the Internet fairies would send him the perfect woman within seconds.
Sam, I think that's a hook-up app.
What? No it isn't. You're thinking of Grindr.
No, that's definitely for sex only but it's for gay people. Tinder is the version for straight people. I think.
Oh, well, shit. What's the app for actual dating?
Tinder.
I don't understand.
You don't meet someone online for any more than a casual thing.
Oh.
Well, did you meet Matt online?
I refuse to answer that on the grounds that someone here will judge me. We all can't be raised by our future spouses. He stares pointedly at me.
Right because we all see how well THAT'S going.
So what do I do?
You need a Polish matchmaker.
I'm halfway there! I have the buckle!
Right. Don't meet someone online. You need an uncurated soul.
I need a Bridget, is what I need.
Jesus, what? No you don't! Too much trouble. Also be quiet before someone hears you.
Why?
They'll take it wrong.
There isn't a way to take that wrong, actually. It's just...nevermind.
Oh. Then here, let me help you choose a photo.