Monday, 7 April 2008

On leaving well enough alone

Here, please, learn from my mistakes. You probably would do better anyway. Give me a choice and I'll make the wrong decision every time.

Fight #34573623845358359348734 was probably the dealbreaker.

For the record, as of this morning I don't have the ring, hell, I don't even have the box. I don't have Ben and I don't have a plan. You can blame him, maybe. As Sam stood there last night trying to tell Ben it was normal and Ben screamed at him that Bridget wasn't fucking normal and never would be and he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't stand by and watch me get hurt anymore by Jacob.

Ironic, that. This from the guy who saw almost everything Cole did to me and never said a goddamned word.

And whether he took the box with him to prevent any further accidents or just to make sure I couldn't get my ring back, I don't know.

I only left him one message and that was to remind him that he pinky-swore that he would never leave and that he promised to have the patience of a thousand men, that he would do whatever it took, even though I warned him.

Everyone warned him and then encouraged him when he said he could handle it. That he somehow thought he could handle Bridget, with death under her belt and a tenuous grasp of reality as it was.

I warned him, I told him not to fall for me, not to get mixed up with me, that I was fucked up and nothing would ever be better than the occasional short stretch of happiness and otherwise life would suck.

He didn't believe me. Said he didn't care.

I bet he does now.

How am I, you ask? I'm marginally pissed off. I couldn't get this right if I tried. I goofed. I wanted to do the right thing and put the ring away permanently and failed epically, to the point that I'm sure Jacob is still on the kitchen floor to some extent though Sam said he looked after everything. Sam told me just to have patience with Ben and that he wanted to talk to him a little more but we always seem to come out swinging anyway.

But I don't blame Ben. How could I?

It's fine, everything's fine. It appears to have been an emergency only to me.