(In one post I'm going to expose Ben for the whole internet to see. The cross-dressing, bagpipe-playing, serial destroyer of his own perfectly good relationships Ben. Who still retains his cool, since he's going on tour now and all that. Oh, at the same time I'll expose myself as the dysfunctional needy damsel in distress I freely admit to being.)
Ben's off to fulfill his dreams for a few months. Some of you are aware that his day job is not his real job, it just pays for his wishes. I won't say any more than that to protect his privacy. He'll be back before Christmas.
You moving in?
Nope, Bridge, just returning some stuff I've hung on to for a bit.
Oh, I see.
Inside the box were random golf clubs that I didn't know belonged to us, some books, a few CDs and Cole's bagpipes. There were also a bunch of pictures of me and one of Jacob's bulletins that had our marriage announcement printed in it. A sweater I thought I lost at the fair.
Ben, none of this stuff has to come back. You can keep it.
No, Bridge, it has to go. These are your things.
You can have them.
I don't want them. Oh, geez, Bridge. Maybe I need to get your stuff out so I can get you out.
Of your head?
Of my life.
Wow. Way to make a girl feel good.
That's just it, Bridget. We've sponged off your generosity far too long and we have too big a say in your choices. The only way to let go of our ownership over you is to let go of you.
Oh. PJ got to you?
Nope.
Oh, please don't say Jacob is doing this.
No, it isn't Jake and it isn't PJ. We've all talked and we're not good for you anymore. I was never good for you anyway. You're doing so well and we just want to see that continue without any of the bullshit.
You're my friend, Benjamin.
Hey, I'll always be your friend. I'll just be around less. Going to be gone most of the fall anyway.
What about the kids?
They're going to be in school all day, Bridget. I'll still see them when I'm back. You still have to invite me for the occasional dinner. I just can't be here all the time and be around. You guys need some space so you can have a real chance.
So Jacob starts his job in a bit and you leave and everyone else disappears and I'm left alone?
(sweet panic follows)
(big hug follows)
Don't guilt me.
Don't abandon me, Benny.
I'm not abandoning you, Bridget. Jake isn't Cole. He doesn't like having everyone around all the time. And you, you need downtime, and quiet time and time to get used to being with him. Watching you two together is excruciating. I mean you waited so long to be together and now that you are, you should be happier together but instead you're both wound up and miserable and stuck in some sort of frozen state in which you can't accept that it's okay for you to be together. You guys need time, Bridget. Time to get to know each other. Without all of us sabotaging you.
I know.
Good.
So can't we do it without the dramatic farewells and creepily mature conversations?
Yeah. I could put this box down and throw you in the kiddie pool.
Hearing aids, Ben.
Oh yeah. Dammit. Okay, how about another hug? A friend hug, nothing weird.
Please, Ben, everything is weird with you.
Bring it, princess.
You got it, Tucker.
My God, this is hard. I was all cool about it until you turned those Bambi eyes on me.
Who are you doing this for again?
For all of us, Bridge. Maybe leaving is the only way I can really leave you and the giant alone. The guy deserves a real chance and he isn't getting it this way. That's something we call can agree on. If I had my way I'd throw you over my shoulder and run off, caveman style. But seriously, you and Jake, man, it's sweet and it needs a chance to play out. Take it and be happy. He's good for you. He'll be good to you. Or we'll kill him. There will be no more Coles in your life.
You'll kill him? Good luck with that.
Okay, maybe we could all attempt to knock him down.
Then what?
Run away while he's getting back up?
Right.
Love you, Bridget. Go be happy. I'm sorry I ever tried to mess with you.
Trying my best, here. Love you too. Fucking idiot. Go find a girl to fuck.
Oh trust me. I'm working on it.
It's about time, Ben. Find one that sticks. Not in a gross way though.
Shut up already, Bridget.
K.
Didn't I tell you? They're all going to make their excuses now and cast me off. It'll probably be the best thing they ever do.
Jacob's response?
Ah! The old agony bags, I thought they were long gone. Maybe I should learn to play.
Sweet mother of God.
Kids are back this afternoon. I'm bouncing off the walls.
