Wow, some of you aren't having a good start to the week either. And as much as I really appreciate honesty and as open a dialogue as I can maintain with everyone who emails, and I try to respond quickly, I don't feel like you're reading the words. You're picking and choosing how you're going to feel and then you skim. Skimming won't work here. So instead of seventeen emails telling me my posting wasn't up to your standards or I sound totally out of it please go back and read the parts where I tell you I haven't slept in four days, I just flew 4000 miles with two small kids and I've caught a cold, without even pointing out how I feel about Jacob not being here.
So, yeah, maybe I am out of it.
Maybe you are too. We're all rusty from a spring weekend in which we had expectations. I had one of the best and one of the most difficult weekends of my entire life and I can't do it justice today because of everything else. I have never been felled by so much pure-hearted love in all my days. I've had romance. Never on this scale. Never the desperate movie kind and Jacob keeps on breaking all the rules and I hope he keeps it up forever. I can't convey what it feels like to me to hear the things he whispers, to kiss him, to put my nose in the wonderful place where I can feel him breath on my face, to see the way his face lights up when I smile. The thorough, slightly harsh, wonderfully energetic and loving way he ruins my reputation as a lady, the things he says, out loud and out of the bluest blue that make my knees knock together.
I told you before, there's no new-love starry-eyed newlywed phase in progress here, it's simply what life with Jacob is like. It's what we do to each other. He called me an hour ago and said not being able to hold my hand or see my eyes was killing him.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, Jake.
If my heart grew any fonder it would explode, princess.
No, I want you back in one piece.
Then I need to get on a plane. Because I miss you guys so much it's like physical pain that won't stop.
Then pretend you're on an exotic getaway.
That never felt any different, you know.
Then how did you stand it?
I wrote you letters.
What?
I wrote to you. I told you everything I did, and everything I felt. Then I would burn them and start over.
You are an endless surprise, preacher boy.
So are you, piglet. I never expected to feel this way about anyone save for God.
So I'm in good company?
The very best. Are you okay?
No, I wish you were here.
Not what I asked.
I'm okay.
Do you promise me you're really okay?
Yes. I promise. Just hurry home.
I will. Sleep well, beautiful. I'm on my way back to you.
Nope, I give up, I think. I can't make you see how this feels. I'll never be able to.
